Vigoratus Meus Animus
by PJ XD
Summary: Esme is scarred by the horrors of her last high school. When she enrolls again, she's terrified that something will go wrong. But work experience at the hospital and a growing infatuation with Dr Cullen proves some things are meant to be... AH canon pairs
1. Fresh Start

**Summary: - Esme Masen is tormented by her troublesome past, and afraid to face the world again. She's frightened to trust, but more importantly, frightened to love. When she's forced to enroll in high school again, she takes work experience at the local hospital for extra credit and a chance to be of use. **

**But what will she make of the alluring and mysterious Dr. Cullen?**

* * *

_I don't own Twilight... I wish I owned Stephenie Meyer's bank balance though... sigh..._

_Oh, and Vigoratus Meus Animus means Heal My Soul in Latin, in case you're wondering._

* * *

_**Esme**_

"High school?" I choked on my oatmeal cookie. Amanda fixed me with a glare that plainly said that I was being repugnant and unladylike. She was always fixated on the inconsequential things in life – it irritated me to no end.

"Your brother goes," she told me, as if I didn't already know that. I opened my palms wide in a gesture that showed I was surrendering. Or pleading. Either way, I was completely at the mercy of the two most unfeeling people in the entire world.

"I'm aware. Need I remind you that I used to go as well? We all know how that ended up..." I trailed off, biting my lip and wincing as the memory of my high school past stung anew. Do you remember Carrie at the prom? Well, that was me. Humiliated, bullied, degraded and alone. I was an expert at not fitting in, at being a doormat, at letting other people take advantage of me.

"Esme," Amanda swilled her cocktail olives around her dirty martini as she spoke. "You are going back to high school. I'm not paying a tutor to home school you anymore. If Edward can cope, you can."

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Edward could cope, of course he could, because he was something that teenagers liked to call _popular_. Accepted, witty and gorgeous, there was nobody who didn't want to be my brother's friend.

Of course, I could see why. Edward, my junior by two minutes, was possibly the best person in the entire world. Anyone should feel privileged to be his friend, just as I felt privileged to be his sister.

"Can you not just spend your time with Edward and his friends?" Dad suggested. I didn't glare at him... I could tell that none of this was his fault, or his suggestion. Ever since he married Amanda, he'd lost himself, and my heart mourned for the father I used to love so powerfully. I allowed his appalling choice of new wife to go without comment, because I had seen how despairing and despondent he had been when my mom died, and I never wanted him to need to go through that suffering again. I tolerated Amanda, something Edward didn't understand.

But he hadn't been there. During the flu epidemic that nearly wiped out half our town, both he and my mother had fallen perilously ill. We were only just twelve at the time, and he was so out of it that he never saw how sick Daddy got, how often he would sit at his desk and sob uncontrollably until I found him and put him to bed.

He felt it when Mom died, obviously, but he was never shown just how completely my father seemed to fracture on the inside. I owe him this happiness now.

Though I can't for the life of me understand how he can be happy with Amanda-the-witch.

"Edward wouldn't take kindly to me spending all my time with his friends, I'm sure," I said quietly, addressing my clasped hands. I knew the battle had already been lost, but something kept me talking anyway. Perhaps it was just denial.

"Alice and Jasper seem to adore you, Esme... as do Emmett and Rosalie, come to think of it," Dad said kindly, his big blue eyes – the same shade as my own – beseeching me to concede that this was a good idea after all.

And, of course, I did what I always have done. I folded. I gave up the fight. "Okay, I suppose I could give it a go."

"That's my girl!" Dad beamed at me, whilst Amanda looked sullen yet smug.

"May I be excused?" I asked politely, feeling the need to put as much distance between myself and my wicked stepmother as possible.

"Of course, sweetheart. You don't have to ask," Dad chuckled. Amanda shot me a sharp look.

"But it's only polite," she said sternly, reprimanding me, amazingly, for doing the right thing. I held back a sigh and ignored her, scooting my chair back across the flagstone floor and making my way out of the dining room. "Don't forget to make dinner, Esme!" Amanda called loftily after me, and I clenched my jaw to stop myself from shouting something crass in return. She was a real test of endurance. I was in dire need of some cheering up.

As if he had read my mind, I suddenly heard a beautiful melody drifting down the stairs from the music room. A smile tugged at the corners of my mouth as I recognized the tune. It was titled "Esme's song" and Edward had composed it for me when I had been in a particularly unhappy mood.

I floated up the stairs, allowing my brother's piano composition to fill me up from the inside out.

As I reached the door to the room, I didn't enter, but rather watched Edward as he created the music, taking in how engrossed he was and grinning. He was always a handsome boy, but sitting on that piano stool, so absorbed in his talent, he looked somehow more than human. His ever-tousled bronze hair was spectacularly messy – he must have been running his hands through it.

He probably sensed me watching him, as the music suddenly cut off. He lifted his eyes – our mother's shade of emerald green – to mine, and smiled warmly.

"Hello, Esme," he greeted softly.

"Hi," I responded, raising my hand in a weak wave. He returned the gesture, and then shuffled along the piano stool to make room for me. I sat down delicately, and slotted my hand into his. He squeezed my fingers reassuringly.

"You're scared," he surmised, displaying his uncanny knack for being able to read my thoughts. I would've excused this talent as a 'twin thing', except that he could tell what everyone was thinking. It was almost creepy. I figured he was just very intuitive. Or perhaps we were all more transparent than we thought.

"Yes," I answered, though it wasn't necessary. He was making an observation, not asking a question.

"School here in Forks really isn't so bad, Es," Edward promised gently. I couldn't stop myself trembling a little at the word 'school'.

"You would say that, though. Everyone adores you, Edward," I pointed out in a meek voice.

"I won't let anybody bully you, Esme," he vowed, his voice solemn and serious. "There is no need. You're such a sweet person – and people will see that."

"They didn't before," I mumbled, hanging my head. Edward's hand found my chin and he jerked my face upwards until I was staring into his fierce expression. I shrank back a bit, and his face softened when he realized that he had frightened me.

"Those..." Ever the gentleman, he omitted the word he had been about to say, "..._animals_ deserve to be locked up. Especially Charlie Evenson. I wish I had killed him," he snarled, finishing his speech looking impossibly sinister.

"You nearly did," I whispered, the memory bringing stinging tears to my eyes.

"I should've," he said darkly, and the threatening menace in his voice scared me again.

"Edward, violence won't change anything," I murmured. He gave me a very long, speculative look, before breaking into a crooked smile.

* * *

"Do you see what I mean, Esme? You're the nicest person on the planet. They'll all love you," he declared, and he sounded so sure that I almost believed him. Almost.

* * *

"You're being way too quiet, Es," Edward told me as we sped down the road. I gripped the edge of my seat, my knuckles turning white.

"Maybe you should slow down, Edward," I advised, hoping and praying that, for once, he would heed my advice. No joy.

"I like driving fast," he said, shrugging and flashing me his customary smirk.

"There are speed limits for a reason, you know," I snapped, sounding much more like my usual motherly self. He laughed freely, throwing his head back.

"It's great to see you're back to normal, sis," he teased, grinning at me. "Sorry, I mean, Mom."

I smacked at his arm, but I didn't put any effort into the hit. Edward always had a way of making me feel better.

That feeling only lasted as far as the parking lot of Forks High, however, before I was feeling nauseous again. _Come on, Esme,_ I thought. _Get it together. You're seventeen years old! You shouldn't be this afraid of a building. _My head was talking sense, of course, but my heart chose to ignore it.

Edward parked the car and switched off the engine, facing me with a grave expression. "Are you alright, Esme?"

I shook my head, not trusting myself to speak for fear that I would burst into tears. Edward reached across the passenger seat and patted my arm reassuringly.

"Come on," he said gently, getting out his side of the car and walking round to open my door for me. "It'll be fine."

I climbed out the car shakily, and instantly felt a parade of eyes watching me. I ducked my head, letting my caramel hair fall over my face, obscuring my features as best I could. Edward shut my door for me, and took the bag that I was clinging to for dear life. Our mother raised him well.

"Hey, Masen!" I heard a shout, and I glanced up involuntarily. My eyes met with a dark haired boy with a cocky grin for a brief second, before I realized he was actually speaking to my brother.

"What do you want, Tyler?" Edward called back, projecting rather than raising his voice. Another skill our mother taught him.

"Your new girlfriend's hotter than your last one!" he bellowed. I felt a roll of nausea in the pit of my stomach. Please tell me he wasn't referring to me...

"She's my sister, asshole," Edward snapped. Oh, great. He was.

"Sister? Then hey, beautiful, wanna be _my_ new girlfriend?" His friends wolf whistled, and I hid my face again, my cheeks burning with embarrassment.

"Go to hell, Crowley!" Edward yelled, linking his arm through mine and towing me away towards the office. I didn't glance up again until we were safely past the rowdy boys.

"Hey, wait!" Another voice, female this time, sounded from behind me, and I turned in time to see a very pretty brunette girl catch up to us. Her pale, heart-shaped face was flushed from the exertion of running, and she was panting a little, but her chocolate eyes were friendly.

That's why it surprised me when Edward was not.

"What do you want?" he demanded in a cold, dead voice. The pretty girl shot him a disparaging look, before turning back to me with a gentle smile.

"I'm really sorry about Tyler. Just ignore him, he doesn't mean anything by it." She smiled wider, and for a moment she looked radiantly lovely.

"It's okay," I managed to mumble. The girl pulled a face.

"Nah, he can seem like a real jackass sometimes, but honestly, we're not all that bad."

This girl certainly didn't seem that bad. I gave her a tentative smile, and she seemed to take this as an excellent sign, as she stuck her hand out for me to shake.

"I'm Bella, by the way," she introduced herself. "Bella Swan. My dad's the chief of police."

I nodded. I knew Charlie Swan.

"She's Newton's girlfriend," Edward chipped in, and I was surprised to hear the venom in his words. I had no idea what his problem was with this – seemingly lovely – girl.

"Yeah. My boyfriend Mike," she turned to look behind her, pointing him out. He was cute, in a baby-faced way. Blond hair, blue eyes, cheeky grin. "Is one of the jocks, but he's not so scary. I'm certainly not like a bitchy cheerleader or anything. For starters, I don't do exercise. I mean, I'm still out of breath from that run!"

I laughed, surprised that she had cheered me up so much.

"We should be going now, _Bella_," Edward dragged her name out like it was a disgusting word. "So why don't you run along back to Newton and his sycophants."

I turned to glare sharply at my brother, but Bella gave me an 'it's alright' look, before smiling at me sweetly. "I'll see you around?" she asked.

"Yeah. I'm Esme," I added, remembering at the last minute to introduce myself.

"It's really nice to meet you, Esme. Later, Masen."

Edward rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

I watched Bella Swan's retreating back for a second before rounding on my brother.

"Why the hell were you so monumentally rude to her?" I demanded, placing my hands on my hips. Edward jerked his own glare away from Bella and refocused it on me.

"Because she's Newton's girlfriend. And Newton and I don't exactly get along."

That was the single most ridiculous thing I had ever heard. "How is that her fault?"

Edward shrugged unhelpfully and began walking off in the direction we had been heading in before. I had to follow, lest I be swallowed up by the crowd, so I gritted my teeth and charged after him, making a mental note that I wasn't finished reprimanding his behavior yet.

The office was packed when we entered. Students were converging on the front desk left, right and center, clamoring to get at their timetables or other multi-colored strips of paper. Edward steered his way through, and, though she was on the phone, a receptionist with tight, ginger curls literally slammed her phone down and stared up at Edward with wide, starry eyes and an ear-to-ear grin. I hid a smile by biting the inside of my cheek.

"Ms Cope?" Edward asked, smiling.

"Yes dear?" she sounded breathless. It was sweet, in a kind of creepy way.

"My sister Esme Masen is starting school here today. Can we collect her timetable please?" I had never heard my brother be deliberately charming before, but he pulled it off with aplomb. It was slightly manipulative, but an admirable talent.

I heard the clacking of Ms Cope's computer keys, then the whirr of the printer.

"Here you are, Edward," she gushed, handing him my printed details. "I got yours for you as well, so that you wouldn't have to wait."  
Edward beamed. "What would I do without you, Ms Cope? You're a lifesaver."

She turned pink with pleasure. "Not at all, dear. It was nothing."

"Thank you," he said sincerely, and pulled me backwards, away from the desk, leaving a very flustered receptionist in his wake.

"Oh, wait! Um, Esme!" I stopped as Ms Cope called my name, and turned around slowly. She was leaning over the desk towards me.

"Yes?" I asked politely.

"You need to fill out an elective work experience form. Three nights a week, your choice of activity."

I frowned. "What's available?"

"Well, there's the police department..." That put me in mind of Bella and her father. "Or the bakery, or..." I zoned out, watching her mouth move but forgetting to listen. I recovered myself at the last moment."Or Dr. Cullen is looking for someone to help out at the hospital. That's it, really."

"The hospital sounds good," I said cheerily, hoping to mask the fact that I'd barely been paying attention to a word she said.

"Well, then, that's settled dear. Your first shift will be tomorrow, and then Thursday nights and Friday nights. Is that okay?"

I nodded. It wasn't as though I had a social life to worry about.

"Fantastic. You can run along to class now, dear."

I left the office, not noticing that Edward was speaking to me. I was absorbed in my own mystifying thoughts. Why did he have such a hostile reaction to Bella Swan? I was determined to get to the bottom of it.

"You have English now, right? It's in building 3, over there," Edward was saying. I followed where he was pointing with my gaze and nodded. "See you in Spanish," he told me, and walked in the opposite direction. I noticed that all the girls swooned when they saw him, and a couple of them even threw me jealous looks. I was really going to need to get someone to explain that I was Edward's sister.

I allowed myself to be herded by the rest of the crowd until I reached building 3. Not really watching where I was going, I smacked straight into the back of a tall, skinny boy with lank, black hair.

"Oh, sorry," I muttered, my face flushing. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

He turned around with a keen smile on his face. "Naw. I'm made of stronger stuff than that."

I highly doubted it. He looked like a strong gust of wind would knock him to the ground. It would have been rude, not to mention cutting to his ego, for me to point this out, however, so I kept silent.

I moved past him into the English room, enjoying the whoosh of warm air on my face after being subjected to the cold wind. The moment of truth.

I glanced around me to see where there was a spare seat, and nearly fainted with relief when I saw a small, black-haired girl with a pixie cut waving at me like a maniac, pogoing up and down in her chair to get my attention.

I made a swift beeline for her, dropping my bag on the desk and sitting down in the vacant chair. She turned to me with a Cheshire cat grin on her face.

"Hi, Esme!" she trilled, sounding as though I was the most exciting thing that had happened to her in months. "Gosh, are you nervous about today? I'm so glad you're in my English, I really wanted a lesson with you!"

I smiled, feeling better already. "Hi, Alice."

"Is this seat taken?" a quiet voice beside my left ear said, and I looked up to see pretty Bella Swan standing over me.

"No, sit down," I invited warmly, feeling a secret thrill of acceptance when she did so. I watched Alice to see if she would give Bella the same cold reaction that Edward had, but on the contrary, she grinned widely and said,

"Esme stole your seat, Bells."

I opened my mouth to apologize profusely and offer to move, but Bella just laughed.

"Yeah, because you no doubt gave it to her, Al."

"Fair point," Alice shrugged, breaking out into an amused grin identical to Bella's. "But what are best friends for?"

Bella rolled her eyes. "Irritating little pixie."

I chuckled at that, but soon stopped as the teacher held his hand up for silence. Instead of listening to him, I glanced down at the desk as a note was slid under my nose.

_How are you finding your first day so far? _Alice wrote.

_It's alright. _I wrote back. Then I asked the question that was burning a hole in my tongue. _Why does Edward hate Bella? They're both your best friends._

_Because,_ Alice wrote, _he hates the fact that she's the only one in Mike Newton's little group that he can't hate._

I frowned. That didn't make any sense. _What do you mean?_

_Bella's really nice, and it bugs Edward. It means that he has to be polite to someone that Mike is involved with. __PLUS__ he likes her, but he won't ever admit it._

I was instantly speculative. Edward liked Bella? My brother was constantly sought after by hoards of girls, but I had never seen him return the sentiment. But this was interesting...

I tried not to feel hurt that he'd never told me about it. Maybe I could do something to get the two of them together... maybe a bit of matchmaking...

No. Mom had always told me that I was too interfering in that respect. And besides, Bella had a boyfriend. I should just leave them alone.

And I should really pay attention to the lecture.

I folded up the piece of paper in front of me, and subtly slid it into my bag. Edward would never know if I did a little bit of investigating...

Where was the harm?

I grinned at Alice, and she could clearly tell what I was thinking, as she shot me a wink.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" she whispered. I shrugged, smiling.

"What're you thinking?" I asked.

"I'm thinking... let's put a bit of love in the air."

I nodded, and Alice erupted into silent giggles. I glanced around the room, seeing if there was anyone who perhaps caught my own eye, but nobody stood out. I sighed. A little romance for me would be welcome...

_"Esme... you know you want it really... you've been teasing me for way too long..." _I shivered as the voice came unbidden to the forefront of my mind. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end, and I was abruptly fighting tears.

I dropped my gaze to my hands, twisting my fingers together in stress. Forget it. Forget guys. I glanced up in time to see an ordinary looking boy eyeing me up from the other side of the room, and speedily looked away again.

What was I doing here?

* * *


	2. Dr Cullen

**Esme**

My second day was mercifully quiet. I was bothered by nobody, and a couple of girls even went out of their way to be nice. All in all, it seemed like I was adjusting well.

I ate lunch with Edward, Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie, and found that I fitted into their little group quite well. It was glaringly obvious that Jasper was besotted with Alice, even from a glance, and when I said this to Edward, he instantly agreed. Rosalie and Emmett were the only two that were exclusively coupled up, and while the others complained about their flirting and their sweet talk, I found it refreshing. It was better than denying your feelings, something my brother – and Jasper, too, by the looks of it – was highly skilled at.

Lessons were slightly dull – I knew everything I was being taught – I had been used to learning at my own, much faster pace, but my art teacher complimented me and declared that I had a 'natural eye for interior design' which made me feel appreciated. I never got praise like that off Amanda.

By the end of the day, though, I was exhausted. I was ready to go home and put my feet up – hopefully catching one of the reruns of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, or something, before Edward oh-so-kindly reminded me that I had a shift at the hospital to do. I wasn't particularly pleased about it, until I refreshed my memory as to the altruistic reasons behind it.

I admit I was still slightly grudging when Edward dropped me off at the entrance.

"Have a nice night," he said, smirking. I wondered briefly what that expression was about, but I didn't get a chance to ask – he drove away before I could get the words out.

I stood in the doorway for a moment, steeling myself. Taking a deep breath, I started forwards, disappearing through the automatic doors with a sigh.

The fluorescent lights stung my eyes after the muted twilight outside, and I had to blink several times to adjust my focus.

"Are you alright, honey?" A woman with a short, dark bob asked. She was wearing powder blue scrubs, so I assumed she was a nurse or doctor of some description. Perhaps she was Dr. Cullen? That would be a stroke of luck... it would mean I wouldn't have to go hunting.

"Yeah, I'm meant to be doing work experience here? I was supposed to speak to Dr. Cullen?" My statements sounded like questions in my hesitant tone. The woman smiled widely.

"Oh, good! Uh, Dr. Cullen is probably in his office. It's really quiet today, so I think he's doing paperwork. If you go down the hall, it's the last door on the left," she instructed, pointing it out to me. I nodded to make sure she knew I had understood.

"Thanks," I remembered to say, and set off towards the room at the end of the long, silent hospital corridor. I stifled a shiver. Hospitals gave me the chills when they were quiet. I remembered every time I used to end up in the hospital back in Chicago, on the nights where it was quiet and I was all alone...

Wrapping my arms around myself, I increased my pace. I stopped short at the door, raising one fist and rapping lightly on the shiny wood. A deep, clear voice carried easily from within.

"The door's open," he said.

I pushed down on the handle, opening the door and stepping into the office. It took a lot more energy to push the heavy wood than I expected.

The click of the lock sounded very final. I halted another shiver before it could betray my discomfort.

"Hello. You must be Esme Masen."

I glanced up, feeling it would be rude to not meet the doctor's gaze when he was addressing me directly, and I stifled a stunned gasp.

He was unquestionably, incontrovertibly, the most beautiful man I had ever laid eyes on. His hair was a glossy tangle of golden blond, his eyes a honey-gold to match. His complexion was as pale as my own, but flawless, his jaw masculine and sharp, and his full lips were turned upwards in a smile that made my heart flutter.

I found my voice, though I had no clue how. "Hello, Dr. Cullen."

"Please," he said, and his voice was so smooth and warm that it felt like hot cocoa on an icy winter's night. "Call me Carlisle. After all, you are a member of staff."

He winked companionably at me, and I felt my knees actually go weak, as pathetic as it sounds.

"O-okay," I stammered, sounding completely ridiculous.

"Have a seat," he offered, gesturing to one of the two chairs opposite his desk. "You're making me feel as though I'm a terrible host. Would you like a drink?"

"I'm not twenty-one," I replied, parroting a response that had been drummed into me by my step-witch.

He laughed, and the sound was sweeter than birdsong. "I didn't mean an alcoholic drink. It would be a touch irresponsible of a doctor to drink on the job, wouldn't it?"

My face flushed, and my cheeks felt hot enough to fry an egg on. "Oh... yes... sorry."

"There's no need to apologize, Esme," he answered gently. I tried and failed not to swoon when he said my name. I had a crush on him after not even two minutes in his company. Was that just me being insanely superficial?

"Oh, sorry. Uh, I mean..." I bit my lip, wishing the ground would swallow me whole.

"It doesn't matter. Please sit, you look ready to run away. I promise, I'm really not that frightening." He smiled warmly, and I consciously had to remind myself to breathe. Even looking at him too long made me feel lightheaded.

Realizing that he'd asked me twice to sit down, I moved obediently to the chair and perched on it.

He gave another soft chuckle. "That can't be comfortable."

I relaxed back into the chair, feeling every bit the prize fool. "Is there anything in particular that you want me to do, Dr. Cullen?"

He leaned back in his own chair, surveying me carefully over the top of his steepled fingers. "Not at the moment. I've been working here non-stop for the past four hours. I wouldn't mind a bit of conversation."

He smiled a breathtaking smile, and my stomach tightened. "Oh, well, I guess I can chat."

"What grade are you in, Esme?" he asked, and my heart sank. _Yes, wake up Esme. You are a high school student and he is a doctor. He's probably married with kids_. That thought depressed me no end.

"I'm a junior."

"So you're seventeen?" he guessed, and I nodded slowly. "Do you know what you want to do after high school?"

"I guess... I want to go to a good college, obviously. That would make my dad really proud. And he's always said I was wonderful with kids, so I know it would make him really happy if I became a teacher."

He was studying me with a curious expression, his head tilted to one side, his brow slightly furrowed.

"But what do _you_ want to do?" he asked again, putting heavy emphasis on the 'you'. I frowned slightly.

"I don't really understand, Dr... uh, Carlisle," I told him.

"You're telling me what would make your father happy." I understood suddenly, and nodded.

"Oh, well, Edward, my brother, wants to be a concert pianist or something, he's a real virtuoso, and he would love me to be his manager... agent... whatever they call it."

Carlisle's gorgeous golden eyes widened, and he tilted his head again. "Is that what you would love?"

"I like making my brother happy," I replied, shrugging.

"But Esme..." he leaned forwards, and I was momentarily staggered by his close proximity. "What makes you happy?"

I opened my mouth, but no sound came out. Closing my eyes, I tried to clear my head so that I could speak. "I like... designing things. Mending broken parts of my house... I always have. Once, I refurbished my entire attic in two days."

"I think you'd make an excellent renovation architect then," he told me. "But why, not that I'm not glad you did, would you apply for work experience in a hospital if your heart lies in architecture?"

"The idea that I'm helping people is a really satisfying one. Also, it will mean Amanda has no reason to gripe at me," I explained. The smile that had graced his perfect features faded slightly.

"Who's Amanda?" he asked.

"My stepmother. Nothing I ever do is good enough for her. It's as though she lives to criticize me." I had no idea why I was telling him such personal things. It seemed crazy, impossible, but… I felt like I knew him already. I felt connected. Maybe that was just the crush talking, but it didn't feel that way. I felt… it was unexplainable. But I could feel a growing sense of possession when I held Carlisle's gaze. It was idiotic, but my heart wanted to claim him as _mine_.

Carlisle made an angry noise in the back of his throat. "The woman clearly has no appreciation for wonderful things," he said, almost to himself. I was astonished. Was he calling me... wonderful?

My heart swelled impossibly. I continued to stare at Carlisle for several long moments, until he seemed to come to his senses. His expression became appropriately businesslike again, and his face smoothed out into a charming smile.

"Is it my turn to have my life invasively quizzed now?" he asked, and the twinkle in his eyes said he was mocking his own nosiness.

"How long have you been a doctor?" I asked. I figured I'd start with the easy questions.

"I qualified last year," he replied, grinning in a surprisingly mischievous way.

"And that would make you...?"

"Twenty-six," he supplied, and my spirits lifted a bit. _Nine_ _years wasn't so bad... yeah, dream on, Esme!_

"Are you married?" I didn't mean to ask that question, but it slipped out before I could stop it. I blushed, resisting the temptation to duck my head and curl up in mortification. He laughed, but I was mystified as to why.

"No." He held up his left hand to prove he wasn't wearing a wedding ring. "I've never really been interested in falling in love," he admitted, a crease appearing between his brows. I ached to lean over and kiss it away, and then stunned myself at my own thoughts. What was the matter with me?

"That seems to have been my obsession for most of my life," I shared, wondering why I was telling him this, but wondering, more importantly, how he could ever be interested. As if the thoughts of a teenage girl were remotely intriguing to a smart, sexy, sophisticated man like Carlisle.

"You say that in the past tense," he observed astutely.

"People change," I shrugged, but my blasé words didn't quite mask the darkness that crept over my eyes like a shroud, and I knew he'd seen it too.

"Are you alright, Esme?" he asked, his tone impossibly caring and tender. He must have an excellent beside manner with his patients.

"I'm fine, thank you. I just... it doesn't matter..." I said quickly. I didn't want to bore him with my petty teenage life problems.

"It clearly matters to you," he said softly. "But I won't press you for information if you don't wish to speak about it."

I was grateful to him for that. "How long have you lived in Forks?" I asked, resuming my quizzing.

"A year."

"Where did you move from?" I asked.

"Chicago," he responded instantly, and my eyes lit up.

"Really?" I exclaimed, working hard to contain my excitement that we had something so basic in common. "I'm from Chicago."

His eyes lit up, and then abruptly grew distant as he focused on something beyond the four walls of the office we were sitting in.

"Esme Anne Masen..." he muttered to himself, and then his expression cleared, only to be replaced by a look of fury that frightened me more than any of Edward's expressions ever had. He was like a vengeful god. "Multiple lacerations to the abdomen, fractured pelvis, hairline fracture to the wrist, severe bruising around the torso and upper thighs, hairline cranial fracture and a severe concussion."

He listed my medical chart from my last hospital visit. The one during the worst week of my life. My eyes filled up with tears, and I nodded, unable to say anything. His eyes narrowed infinitesimally, and I cringed away from the anger he was working hard to keep at bay. I was so out of it when I had had those injuries – I had spent a week unconscious.

"I knew I recognized you," he whispered, his voice deathly quiet. "I was doing my training. I watched from the gallery when… I sat with you during the night…who did that to you, Esme?"

"I… I fell."

"Please don't!" he looked hurt beyond measure that I would say that. "Please don't make excuses, don't cover for the monster that hurt you like that. Esme, I'm a doctor. There was only one way you could have gotten some of those injuries, and that is in a severe sexual assault."

His words were professional, but his tone was not. It cut deep into my chest, cleaved my heart clean in two.

"A boy at my old high school," I murmured, addressing my lap. "He was my boyfriend. I was never popular before him… and he was the Quarterback. I couldn't believe my luck. The night of the Homecoming game, he took me for a walk, and then, behind the bleachers…" I stopped, swallowing thickly. I didn't realize I was crying until I tasted salty tears in my mouth.

"He raped you," Carlisle whispered, appalled.

I nodded, unable to say anything else. I heard a movement beside me, and I was suddenly lifted out of my seat and folded into his arms. I let him hold me there, rocking me gently from side to side, and an overwhelming sense of rightness crashed over me. Of safety. I felt like I was made to fit his arms and his arms alone.

And that was pure fantasy on my part, obviously.

When I had eventually stopped crying, Carlisle set me back on my feet. I was immediately self-conscious. My eyes were probably really puffy, and my hair no doubt looked a mess. I straightened my clothes and dried my cheeks, hoping with all the hope I had that I didn't look too hideous.

In a movement that was too intimate under normal circumstances, yet somehow felt perfectly natural to me, Carlisle raised his hand and brushed away a stray tear, his warm, whisper-soft touch making my cheek tingle. A wave of powerful infatuation swept over me as I stared into his eyes, and I felt my legs give way…

He caught me, his reflexes lightning fast, and pulled me upright, flush against his chest. I could feel the muscles of his abdomen through his shirt, and it made me blush again. He released me slowly, taking a step back to put an acceptable distance between the two of us. I felt dizzy.

"Esme, do you want to sit down?" No. I wanted to throw myself into his arms and kiss him. But I wasn't about to confess that. "Or would you prefer to leave?"

"No!" I half-shouted. "No, I don't want to leave," I adjusted my tone so it was more reasonable, and sank into the chair I had recently vacated. If it was a choice between leaving and sitting, I would stay with Carlisle every time.

"Do you want to talk about something else?" he offered, and I nodded eagerly.

"H-How did you decide you wanted to become a doctor?" I stuttered, my breathing uneven.

A wry smile twisted his perfect mouth. "My father was a man of the cloth. He wanted me to be a pastor. I, on the other hand, have always been a man of science."

"You don't believe in God?" I guessed. His eyebrows lifted slightly.

"Well, I didn't say _that_, I just prefer to administer medicine than pray for a miracle. It's more immediate action, you see…"

"Maybe that's what you don't understand, Dr. Cullen," I said, accidentally forgetting to call him Carlisle. "Maybe you _are_ the miracle."

He looked at me with the strangest expression on his face. It was soft, warm, and full of a plethora of emotions that I couldn't seem to pinpoint. He watched me in this way for several minutes.

"Esme," he murmured, and the sound made me shiver with pleasure. "You are without a doubt the most extraordinary girl I've ever had the pleasure of meeting."

I could've danced on air when he said those words.


	3. Connections

_**Esme**_

"Esme, what's wrong with you?" Rosalie demanded when I gave yet another unintentional dreamy sigh. She didn't have the longest fuse in the world, and my constant daydreaming was really trying her patience. In fact, I was fairly sure I was stomping all over her last nerve.

"I'm perfectly fine," I told her, knowing she wouldn't really accept my answer. But how could I tell her that I was completely enamored with a man who was nine years my senior, and a doctor at that? I couldn't, of course. She'd be appalled. So I had to content myself with keeping this a secret.

I would be seeing Carlisle again tonight, after thinking about him non-stop since Monday, and I was beyond excited at the prospect. I wondered if he'd notice that I'd worn something pretty especially. Or that I'd labored for hours to make my hair sit absolutely perfectly. Each curl was a chore, but I had pulled it off, just for him.

Not that he'd even care. I had to stop deluding myself. My wildest fantasies that had managed to spin themselves out in the last two days were never going to come true. Carlisle Cullen was never going to notice me in that way. I needed to be realistic.

_But still_, a traitorous part of my brain whispered. _A girl can dream_.

"Rose?" I called for her attention suddenly, struck by inspiration. I had been moved up to a twelfth grade Biology class – who knew I was good at science? – So it was only Rose and I that had this free period together.

"Yeah?" she asked. One thing about Rosalie… many people saw her as bitter or rude, but she genuinely wasn't. Sometimes, she was abrupt, and that's how she came across, but she couldn't stay mad at you for longer than five seconds, and her heart must surely have been made of fifty karat gold.

"I need your help to set Edward up with a girl," I told her. Her eyes widened in disbelief. Edward was the last person that needed or wanted help in the girlfriend department, and Rose was more than aware of that, but I knew him better than anyone. During the hour we spent in the cafeteria at lunch, he looked over at Bella Swan thirty eight times. That's a lot, by my math – although admittedly math and I don't tend to get along too well.

"Which girl?" Rose asked incredulously. Her eyes scanned the near-empty courtyard where we were sitting; as though she could make the girl in question magically materialize. She couldn't, of course. I happened to know that she was in Physics. With Alice and Edward.

"Isabella Swan?" I said casually, bracing myself for impact.

As I expected, Rose went off with the explosive power of fifty tons of gunpowder. "BELLA SWAN? ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?"

"Rose," I scolded seriously, and to my intense surprise she shut up as though I were her mother giving her a row. "Edward likes her. I think we should try and get them to at least open up to each other a bit. I think Bella will be receptive. Or, at least, I hope she will."

She seemed to think about it for a long moment before replying. "Fine," she conceded grumpily. "What do I do?"

* * *

I arrived a couple of minutes late for my shift at the hospital, dashing along the corridor to Dr. Cullen's office. I smoothed my clothes and fluffed my hair before knocking jauntily on the door.

"Come in, Esme," he called guessing who his visitor was. It seemed like two months rather than two days since we last spoke, staying in his office talking until well past midnight. I felt as though I knew everything about him; all about his childhood in London, his adolescence in Chicago, his time in med school.

I opened the door, and his magnificence hit me like a punch to the stomach once more, knocking the breath right out of me. He was glorious.

"Good evening, Carlisle," I greeted him, making a mock-curtsey. He smiled, a delicious twinkle in his eye.

"Good evening, Miss Masen," he greeted in return, and, with a smile that turned my legs to jelly, he took my hand in his and brought it to his lips in a gesture as old-world gentlemanly as they came. I swooned.

"How was school?" he asked, stepping out of Pride and Prejudice and back into the twenty first century.

"Very school-like. What about work?"

He smiled. "Very work-like."

I giggled in an infatuated way and began to twirl my hair around my index finger distractedly, trying not to think about the fact that my legs were trembling.

"You look lovely tonight, if I may be so bold as to say so," he told me, and I flushed magenta at the compliment.

"You speak like a Byron poem, sometimes," I observed, grinning. He took my hand again, and the wicked sparkle in his eyes was back. He held my gaze steadily, and I felt my heart beat faster.

"She walks in beauty, like the night,

Of cloudless climes and starry skies,

And all that's best of dark and bright

Meet in her aspect and her eyes,

Thus mellowed to that tender light

Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less,

Had half-impaired the nameless grace

That waves in every raven tress,

Or softly lightens o'er her face,

Where thoughts serenely sweet express

How pure, how dear their dwelling place.

And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,

So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,

The smiles that win, the tints that glow,

But tell of days in goodness spent.

A mind at peace with all below,

A heart whose love is innocent."

He finished his recitation with a flourish of his hand, and I stared incredulously at him, wondering whether he truly existed, or whether he was just a product of a wistful teenage fantasy.

"Wow," I whispered, my pulse racing, my breathing uneven. "How do you remember that?"

"Byron is one of the few poets that speaks to me. Wordsworth is another," he replied huskily.

I couldn't resist the urge to make a joke. "Do you tend to wander lonely as a cloud, Dr. Cullen?"

"I have been known to float on high o'er vales and hills when the mood strikes me," he agreed with a smirk, and I giggled giddily again.

"I can't really imagine it," I admitted, wrinkling my nose in concentration.

"Yes, I try not to either," he agreed, grinning adorably. My heartbeats fluttered again.

"What do you need me to do for you today, Carlisle?" I asked, ready to be of service to him in any way necessary. Probably not in the way that I was fantasizing about though…

I pulled my mind out of the gutter, wondering when I'd started being so brazenly whorish in my thoughts.

"I'd like you to go and speak to a patient for me," he said softly. "Her name is Miranda, and she's a ten year old girl with leukaemia."

My hand flew to my mouth as I gasped. "That's awful."

Carlisle closed his eyes mournfully. "It is, isn't it?" His face was suddenly ancient in grief, and it was disturbing on such a young, vital and ridiculously handsome man. My arms ached to hold him, to comfort him, to show him some form of love and affection and understanding. Unable to fully swallow my feelings, I reached out towards him and took his hand, threading my fingers through his.

It was as though our hands were made to hold the other's. He gave my fingers a gentle squeeze, smiling gratefully at me. Our gazes caught and held for a moment, and suddenly the room was crackling with electric tension. My breathing sped, and I felt my hands clamming up. Or was that Carlisle? I was so confused…

"Do you know why I want you to speak to her Esme?" he asked, his voice low and rich.

"No," I murmured.

"Because you are the kindest person I've ever known," he confessed, his tone honest. "I've spent a total of eight hours with you and I know that."

"Carlisle, I…" I tried to find something to say, but I was at a loss. I was blinded by the rush of insane affection I was feeling for him.

"I feel like I already know you, Esme," he told me, speaking so fast I barely caught his words. "That can't be normal."

"I know you, too," I whispered. "But I don't know how or why. Carlisle, I trust you, and I can't explain it. I don't trust anybody except my brother, and then you…"

I didn't think about it at all – I just threw myself into his arms, my lips crashing down on his. I didn't know quite what came over me, where my shyness had disappeared to, but I suddenly didn't care. I felt this insatiable need to be close to Carlisle Cullen, to feel his soft lips on mine…

I moved my mouth gently on his, and his lips responded in earnest. Soft, sweet and tender, his kiss drove me to the brink of insanity. I felt like I was crawling out of my skin, like my heart would beat it's way right out of my mouth…

His tongue traced over my bottom lip, and I whimpered desperately, the sensation driving me wild. My kiss grew more desperate, more passionate.

I opened my mouth, pulling his open with me, and his tongue instantly flicked onto mine. I moaned low in my throat, and my tongue tangled with his, meeting him halfway, providing resistance.

Heaven. I had never felt anything so completely powerful and intoxicating and magical in my life.

And then he seemed to freeze beneath me, as though my Adonis had become nothing but a statue. I drew back, panting hard, hoping I was imagining things.

I wasn't. He was staring at me with wide, alarmed eyes.

"Esme, I…"

I couldn't let him finish. With a strangled, gasping sob, I disentangled myself from his grasp and turned on my heel, fleeing from the room at the speed of light, as if running fast enough would allow me to escape the rejection.

As I ran, tears rolled down my cheeks, blinding me.

High school all over again.


	4. Draw A Line

_**Esme**_

I paced up and down my bedroom, chewing my lip so insistently that it became painful. I wanted to punch the walls, to scream and shout and plead with whoever would listen to please, _please_ take me back to Chicago.

Of course, there was no way I actually _wanted_ to go back to Chicago. It was a city that held nothing but bad memories for me, but still… the part of me that was a spineless coward – and that was a fairly sizeable part of me – wanted to run away from Forks and never look back. I didn't want to be head over heels in love with the local M.D. I wanted to be a normal teenage girl, have a crush on a normal teenage guy. I had filled my quota for drama already.

I threw myself childishly down on my bed, resisting the urge to swear. It was incredibly out of character for me to utter any kind of profanity – I left that kind of language to Edward.

"Why, Carlisle?" I muttered, hot tears stinging my eyes for the second time this evening. "Why can't you just be a normal teenage boy? Why do you have to be some enigmatic doctor? Why did you kiss me if you didn't want to? Why are you so darn perfect?!" I growled the last part, slamming my back down on my bed until I was horizontal. An angry puff of air escaped my lips, and I choked back a sob that was working its way up my throat.

A loud buzzing made me jump about a foot in the air, and I clutched one hand dramatically over my heart. Glancing around wildly, I saw that the source of the noise was my cell phone, vibrating heartily on top of my computer desk. I picked myself off my bed obligingly, padding across my fluffy carpet and flicking open my cell. A glance told me I didn't recognize the cell number.

"Hello?" I asked, frowning.

"Esme." My breathing stopped. I couldn't believe that he was calling me. But there was no mistaking those smooth, sensual tones.

I felt chills down my spine as I imagined that voice whispering my name in my ear as he made love to me…

_Shake it off, Esme. Shake it off_. "How did you get my number?" I cringed as soon as the words were out of my mouth. They sounded so unfriendly.

"Your contact details on your application form. I really needed to speak with you."

Was he really about to deliver the rejection speech I knew was coming over the phone? Surely not. "What do you want to talk about?"

"I'm waiting in my car outside your house. I couldn't work up the nerve to come inside," he admitted in a low voice.

"You are?" I couldn't manage to keep the surprise out of my voice. I heard a low, throaty chuckle down the other end of the line.

"Let's just say I found the idea of coming face to face with your stepmother slightly abhorrent."

I swooned even more at the idea that he loathed, however unfoundedly on his part, my stepmother as much as I did.

"I'll come outside to speak to you," I offered, not properly thinking my words through. Once my brain had caught up with my mouth's plans, however, it was less than impressed. _What are you thinking, Esme? This can only end badly. With you being a destroyed pathetic mess, might I add. _

I ignored the sensible side of my subconscious when I heard Carlisle reply, "Thank you," with all the fervor of a marriage vow. There was no way I could possibly resist his draw… I was helpless, powerless to stop myself.

That really didn't say a lot for my self-control. Or my ability to recognize self-destructive paths when I see them. Perhaps that was the real problem – it wasn't that I couldn't see the self-destructive paths, but rather I refused to acknowledge their presence.

"I'll be two minutes," I promised Carlisle, knowing even as I did that I was probably setting out to meet the man who would break my heart. But that knowledge wasn't enough to stop me. _Some things,_ I reasoned, _were worth getting your heart broken for. _It was unquestionable to me that Carlisle Cullen was one of those exceptions.

"Hurry," he said urgently, and I shivered with delighted pleasure as I hung up the phone and abandoned it on my bed, fluffing my hair in my mirror and straightening my blue blouse. When I deemed myself presentable enough, I stuffed my feet into my shoes and eagerly yet quietly descended the two flights of stairs to the front door. Our house was completely shrouded in darkness; my parents were in bed asleep already, and Edward was probably at Jasper's. He spent half his life there – those two had a serious bromance going on.

Being incredibly careful not to draw any attention to the fact that I was basically sneaking out, I held the flat of my palm against the lock and turned the handle, using my hand to muffle the click. I tiptoed over the threshold, feeling appropriately guilty, and pulled the door closed as quietly as I could. I then ran down my short driveway as fast as my legs would carry me, before pulling up short at a glossy black Mercedes that I just instinctively knew would be Carlisle's car, though I had never seen it before in my life.

I opened the passenger door and slid into the vacant seat, sinking comfortably into the plush cream leather interior. The door closed with a quiet smack behind me, and I turned my head, slightly breathless, to gaze straight into Carlisle's handsome face.

My shallow breathing ceased immediately. He was even more gorgeous than he had been four hours previously. He had changed out of his work clothes, now wearing a v-neck sweater in some deep color, either burgundy, navy blue or bottle green – I couldn't tell which in the dark. His skin was mysteriously luminous in nothing but moonlight, and his golden eyes were more intense than I had ever seen them before. Looking into them made me lightheaded, so I dropped my gaze like a demure little lady, my cheeks burning.

I had thought that I'd wanted to kiss him before, but it was a pitiful whim compared to this new aching, this ripping, painful yearning, to press my lips to his and never come up for air.

Could a person become so co-dependent in the course of one evening? It certainly seemed so.

My heart fluttered as I watched, not his face but his hands, fingers twisting and untwisting in his lap. That could be a sign of… what? Nervousness, perhaps? It was likely, certainly. I mean, last time we were alone together, I had committed – cringe – borderline sexual assault on him. He couldn't be blamed for being wary.

"Good evening, Esme," he murmured, and God! Even that simple sentence made my knees turn to the consistency of a bowl of custard.

"Hello Carlisle," I replied, sounding like a breathless, sycophantic cheerleader. I sounded like Jessica, or Lauren or one of the other 'Newton girls' as Bella put them, the ones that were constantly and irritatingly sniffing around her boyfriend.

"Shall we take a walk?" he offered. I frowned in confusion.

"Along my street?" I muttered, hardly thinking that this idea was particularly ingenious.

"No… I thought, perhaps, I could drive to First Beach…"

"La Push?" I said doubtfully. The kids on the reservation scared me a little. I had no problem with the Quileutes in any form, of course I didn't, but they were all so… intimidating. The only one I really knew by name was Jacob Black, and even then it was only because Bella and he were really close friends, and he'd come to pick her up from school on his motorbike on Wednesday.

"If you'd prefer not to go anywhere as far away as that…" he sounded disappointed, and my heart sank. The last thing I wanted to do was disappoint him, whether inadvertently or not.

"We can go to First Beach, if you think that's a good place," I whispered, and I saw his smile stretch across his cheeks in my peripheral vision as he started the engine and pulled away, leaving my house, and my common sense, way behind us.

* * *

The drive had been quiet. Not awkward, because somehow Carlisle and I didn't seem to have the capacity to behave awkwardly around each other – my attempted kissing aside. It was more of a brooding, introspective silence, but one charged with electricity, so that whenever Carlisle's eyes flickered to mine, he seemed to brand me with a mere look.

We pulled up at the parking lot by the beach in question, but neither of us made any attempt to get out of the car. It was too chilly on a night like this anyway.

"Esme, I…" Carlisle met my gaze, and suddenly seemed to be completely blind sighted. His mouth opened and shut for a moment, and his expression was almost comically like a goldfish.

"Yes?" I asked, hoping he would say something extraordinary. That was me being fanciful again though.

"I'm so sorry for upsetting you," he whispered, his voice cracking, showing some misery. He looked genuinely chagrined for his faux pas, and his honesty was fairly transparent.

"I'm not sorry," I said boldly, not knowing where I found the courage to say something like that. "I don't mind getting upset. It was worth it."

The strangest expression crossed Carlisle's face. He looked almost… smug? It was so fleeting that I didn't get a chance to recognize the emotion fully before it had been wiped away, and a somber look arranged his features in a forlorn way.

"Esme, you're killing me," he said quietly, his eyes firmly glued to his hands. He was refusing to look at me… was that good or bad? Was he afraid that he wouldn't show enough emotion in his eyes to put up a convincing act? Or was he afraid of divulging too much? My head swam with questions.

"What do you mean?" I whispered.

"I can't… you and I… you should never have kissed me," he said gently, his sweet tone taking only the barest hint of the sting out of his words.

"Yeah," I mumbled, hanging my head. The new rejection was punching another hole in my chest. As I had known fine well it would. It was truly my own fault.

"And I should never have been weak-willed enough to kiss you back," he continued, and my heart gave a little jolt. So he really had kissed me back, it wasn't my imagination?

"Weak-willed?" I repeated, not comprehending his use of that particular word.

"Just because a man has a thought doesn't give him the right to act on it," he responded simply, and I was left to ponder that for a moment.

"Carlisle… do you regret kissing me?" I asked in a small voice, terrified that the answer would be yes, and my heart would be ripped to shreds, but at the same time, terrified the answer would be no, and I'd end up spiraling deeper and deeper into the vortex of emotion that was first love.

He met my gaze with fiercely burning eyes, and, very slowly, he shook his head. "Not for a second."

My breath caught, and I was suddenly struggling to do even simple things, like make my heart beat and my lungs inflate.

"But it can't ever happen again, Esme," he continued, looking at me with sorrowful, grave eyes. I nodded meekly, feeling thoroughly despondent. He was quiet for a moment, staring out at the sea as he speculated. His head seemed like such a private place. So peaceful and knowledgeable. Carlisle was a man who wasn't afraid to try new avenues, but who was unequivocally reliant on his extensive knowledge of all previous routes travelled.

"Do you want me to quit?" I asked. He spun to look at me, appalled.

"No! No, of course not!"

We just stared at each other for an immeasurable amount of time, counting each other's heartbeats. Somehow this seemed more intimate than kissing him… it was as though I was looking straight through his irises and into his soul. I liked that thought.

_It was unavoidable. I was falling in love with Carlisle Cullen._

When it started to get light, Carlisle spoke again.

"I'm going to take you home now, Esme."


	5. Nightmares and Dreams Come True

**A/N: I have boosted the rating to M, because this chapter contains some flashbacks that are really not nice at all, so if you are really sensitive to the subject of rape, I strongly recommend you don't read this. If not, I hope you like this chapter, and don't worry, it's not all doom and gloom.**

**PJ x**

**Thanks to all my reviewers so far!**

**(and a special mention to fairyfloss101, who is a really terrific reviewer and ego boost :D)**

_

* * *

_

_Esme_

"What was the point of this again, Esme?" Alice asked, her arms tightly crossed over her chest and her shoulders hunched against the bitter chill in the air. I breathed into my own hands, rubbing them together to create some sort of warmth. I was worried that if I didn't at least make some attempt to warm my numb fingers, my next trip to the hospital would be to have my frostbitten fingers amputated.

I found that the friction helped, creating an instant heat that stopped my teeth chattering. Alice huffed in exasperation, a cloud of condensation forming from her breath in the evening air.

We were standing at the side of the track, cheering on the runners whilst plotting a cunning plan to make Edward declare his love to the misinformed Bella. There were much warmer places to hatch our insidious plan, obviously, but we also happened to be Edward's cheering section for his heats against the boys from La Push High.

And both of the scheme's subjects were here, which was crucial in our planning. Even if Bella was here to cheer on Jacob, on the opposing team. But I supposed that was what best friends were for.

"When Edward wins his last race, which he will, we take him and Bella out for a celebratory dinner," I explained. "Then you get a phone call saying you have to leave, and you jet off. I, meanwhile, will receive an urgent page from the hospital, and I'll have to leave as well, leaving the two of them on a date."

"Yeah, and while I appreciate your meticulous planning, I mean, even getting Dr. Cullen in on it so that he _actually_ calls you was a stroke of genius, but what if they just get up and leave when we do?" Alice challenged, her dainty hands on her hips and one eyebrow cocked expectantly at me. I smiled, undeterred by her skepticism.

"We make sure we order and have our food in front of us before we get the calls," I explained with a brilliant smile. "Edward will be far too hungry to pass up food, what with all the exercise, and Bella will feel obliged to stay and finish her meal. Bingo."

Alice grinned and bobbed up and down on the balls of her feet, looking deliciously pleased with the plan. "Yay! You're brilliant, Esme! Just amazing! And I think this calls for an evil plan laugh!" Upon saying that, she threw her head back and let out the most startlingly loud cackle I had ever heard. Several people turned to stare, but she ignored them, instead continuing to bounce as though she were on some kind of spring.

"100m heat: Masen and Call." Alice whistled enthusiastically for Edward, and I clapped, beaming, as my brother jogged forwards to take his place on the starting line. His opponent, the boy named Call, also prepared himself. I chewed my lip nervously. I had just watched him race in another heat – and he was fast. _Really_ fast.

When the buzzer sounded, they were off like two bullets from guns. They rocketed around the track, tearing up the ground beneath their feet, and wow, it was really close...

Until Edward suddenly moved so fast he seemed to blur at the edges, breezing past Call and crossing the finish line in about two seconds flat. My mouth was hanging open in complete astonishment.

"GO EDWARD!" Alice shrieked, and the cry was taken up by other spectators from Forks High.

"Masen! Masen! Masen! Masen!" They chanted, and Edward, chest heaving with the effort, bowed theatrically for his fans. I laughed.

The La Push boys were consoling Call with manly hugs. One look at him said that his tail was well and truly between his legs after having Edward beat him so effortlessly.

"Edward!" I called, and he caught my eye, grinning from ear to ear. He jogged, effortlessly, it seemed, after such an intense run, to my side, doubling over and clutching his knees as he panted to catch his breath.

"We're going for dinner to celebrate once you get changed," Alice informed him, giving him no choice but to comply with her assertive phrasing.

"We are?" he checked with me, surprised.

"Yeah, we are. So go and get a shower, because I'm frozen solid here."

* * *

We caught Bella just as she was leaving. She had her key in the door of her Chevy, and we rushed up to her.

"Bella, Bella, come for dinner!" Alice squealed, bouncing up to her with a grace I couldn't have managed.

Bella looked at us appraisingly for a second before nodding slowly, taking her key out of the car door.

"Where to?"

"The little Italian place downtown? It's new. And I heard that Marcus, the chef, does things with food that are 'utterly orgasmic'." Alice said airily, earning herself a laugh from the two of us.

"Yeah, okay. How could I pass that up?" Bella agreed, shaking her head at me in amusement.

"Good. We're taking Edward's car," I added in, holding my breath. As expected, Bella stiffened.

"Edward's coming?" she asked, looking thoroughly uneasy now.

"He'll be on his best behavior, I promise," I assured her, and her face seemed to relax marginally.

* * *

Edward was less than impressed when he reached the car and found the three of us leaning against it. He gave me a big smile – clearly not expecting me to be responsible for the subterfuge, and rounded on Alice and Bella with a glower that was so formidable that even I recoiled.

Thank God Alice doesn't scare easy.

She met Edward's stare with an even, impassive look, and said in a firm voice. "She's coming with us, and you aren't going to say a word about it."

Edward continued to shoot her a contemptuous look that could have reduced most humans to a puddle, but Alice was never one to back down, and she just folded her arms, impatiently tapping her foot.

With a roll of his eyes and a grudging sigh, Edward stomped around to the driver's side of the car, opening the door and getting in. The door shut with a slam that made the whole car rock.

Bella shot me a terrified glance, and I squeezed her hand gently. I wanted this to work so badly. Edward needed some love in his life, and there couldn't be a nicer girl than Bella for that purpose. I just needed both of them to see that…

"Don't worry, Bella." I felt awful for duping her into a date with my brother, but desperate times called for desperate measures, and I thought – well, I hoped – that they'd both thank me in the long run.

It was a little uncomfortable at the restaurant, I wasn't going to lie. Edward refused to even speak to Bella, unless it was to add a bitingly sarcastic remark to one of her anecdotes, and spent most of the time waiting for a table in grumpy silence, being polite only to me – I felt a little guilty at that – and throwing contemptuous glares at anything and everything else. I resisted an urge to laugh a little though – he was so very like a petulant toddler.

When we were seated, I made a conscious effort to get people talking. I wasn't sure whether it was because all parties at the table were privy to the way I had been treated in Chicago, or whether it was just something about me, but nobody seemed to be able to be resentful or mean or even impolite to me. Thank God for small favors.

"So _Bella_," Edward suddenly said, abandoning all pretence of perusing his menu and being unable to resist saying something mean. He hadn't moved on from the kindergarten stage of having a crush on a girl and pulling her pigtails, clearly. "How come you aren't spending the night with your boyfriend? Is it 'cause he's spending the night with Jessica Stanley?" He raised his eyebrows in direct challenge, and Bella flushed, casting her eyes to her lap. I was mortified that he would show me up like that, being so insulting.

Placing one hand consolingly on top of Bella's, I shot him an angry look, from which he instantly recoiled.

To my surprise, he was suddenly contrite. "I'm sorry, that was harsh."

Bella looked like she couldn't believe her ears. Edward Masen, apologizing? That was a first.

"Don't be sorry. It's probably the truth anyway," she said in a meek voice. "I mean, who am I kidding? Mike and I have something great, but he's the quarterback, and he's lusted after by practically everyone, almost as much as you," she waved a hand helplessly in Edward's direction, and to my astonishment I saw a slow blush creep up his alabaster skin. "But the difference is that you hate the attention. Or at least, you don't act on it. Everyone knows Mike's had half the girls in our year in his bed, and after that, there's no way he would give up sex altogether."

"But… he has you…" I said slowly, feeling as though I was missing something obvious. Bella blushed far more furiously than Edward had, her gaze returning to her lap. On the other hand, Edward was suddenly sitting bolt upright in his chair, and was even going so far as to be inclined across the table towards Bella.

"You and Newton haven't slept together?" he asked urgently.

"Edward!" I chided, appalled that he'd ask her such a personal question.

Her eyes still on her jeans, Bella slowly shook her head.

And then I saw something I had not expected. Edward's face broke into a wide, triumphant grin. He looked like the proverbial cat that had just gotten the cream.

"You aren't just one of his conquests…" he trailed off, his tone smug. Bella's eyes raised a fraction, and her chin came up slightly, a defensive posture.

"No, Masen, I have more class than to lie down and spread my legs after a few hours of being with someone."

Edward looked half delirious with this news, and Alice was slowly beginning to grin. I hid my smile, wanting to remain the only one who was impartial.

I didn't want to start celebrating my victory yet.

"You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear that," Edward said clearly, yet quietly, as if he was hesitant to be heard.

"And why's that?" Bella was embarrassed, but she wasn't backing down. And now it was Edward's turn to wish the ground would swallow him whole.

"Because… because… the school's already filled to the brim with sluts?" he was trying to save his own skin, but in the process came across as a right – forgive my language – dick.

"Wow, Edward! And here I thought you were actually gonna redeem yourself there! Even if Mike is unfaithful, at least he makes me feel special when I'm with him. At least he doesn't look at me like I'm something he scraped off his shoe!" Bella stood suddenly, her face flushed and her eyes watery, as though she were about to cry. Edward saw this too, and paled suddenly.

"Bella, I didn't…"

"Save it, Edward! I'm out of here. Sorry for ruining your night guys," she apologized to Alice and me dutifully, before picking her coat off the back of her chair and storming out of the restaurant.

I was halfway out of my seat, but someone had already blown past me. I turned, expecting to see Edward staring sheepishly at me, waiting for a scolding.

Instead, I saw Alice, an ear-splitting smile on her face.

"What the…" I began, looking around wildly. "Where's my brother?"

Alice laughed, her soprano tinkling filling the whole restaurant and making the other patrons smile. "He's gone after our Miss Swan."

My heart leapt. "He has?"

"Apparently we weren't really needed here. All that was necessary was for Bella to put Edward's mind at ease, and soothe his raging jealousy of Newton."

"Rose will be pleased," I smiled, feeling wholly heartened. "This means she doesn't have to get involved."

_In this one, _I thought privately. _But you and Jasper still need a push in the right direction…_

"Well, there's no point in having a sit down meal anymore, is there?" Alice declared, standing up and signaling the waiter. "After all, I already ate."

"And I'm not hungry," I added, gathering my purse together. "I'll go and tell Dr. Cullen that his services are no longer required," I continued, a smile inadvertently working its way onto my features at the thought of seeing Carlisle. For the fourth time this week. Okay, it had been a fortnight since he'd drawn a line under our kiss, but that didn't mean I couldn't swoon over him from an acceptable distance.

The trouble was, the more time I spent with him, the harder I fell in love with him. It was unavoidable, and irreversible.

I glanced up, and happened to catch a glimpse out of the window at two figures on the sidewalk, a girl and a guy, her arms around his neck and his gripping her waist, their lips connected in a sweetly passionate kiss. Bella and Edward, I realized with a smirk.

"I'd let Cullen service me if he wanted to," Alice continued our previous conversation, shooting me a roguish wink. I giggled, blushing slightly. No woman seemed to be immune to the doctor's natural charm.

"Hush, Alice."

* * *

When I reached the hospital, the night receptionist informed me that Carlisle was actually in surgery at the moment, but that I was welcome to wait in his office. I told her I would do just that, and, with a ridiculously cheerful spring in my step I made my way to the room I had come to know so well.

Only the desk lamp was on, spilling a soft, soothing glow across the polished desk and hundreds of medical tomes. A poetry book was open on his desk, and as I bent closer, I recognized the verse.

_I wandered lonely as a cloud  
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,  
When all at once I saw a crowd,  
A host, of golden daffodils;  
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,  
Fluttering and dancing in the as the stars that shine  
And twinkle on the milky way,  
They stretched in never-ending line  
Along the margin of a bay:  
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,  
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance. _

_The waves beside them danced, but they  
Out-did the sparkling leaves in glee;  
A poet could not be but gay,  
In such a jocund company!  
I gazed—and gazed—but little thought  
What wealth the show to me had brought: _

_For oft, when on my couch I lie  
In vacant or in pensive mood,  
They flash upon that inward eye  
Which is the bliss of solitude;  
And then my heart with pleasure fills,  
And dances with the daffodils. _

William Wordsworth. He had told me that this poem was one of his favorites. I traced the printed words with my fingers, imagining his eyes devouring this page time and time again. It made me feel close to him in an impossibly affirming, heartwarming way.

I settled into his desk chair to wait. It was surprisingly large, and very comfortable, and I found that I could pull my legs up and snuggle into the padding so that it was almost like a recliner.

The whole chair smelled of sweet sunshine and mountain breeze-like musk that was uniquely Carlisle's scent. I found myself taking shallower breaths, just reveling in the sensation that I was so close to a part of the man I knew I couldn't realistically have.

My eyelids felt suddenly heavy, and my head drooped as I inhaled the sweet, delicious scent.

* * *

_"Esme, come on! Down in one! Chug, chug, chug!" Victoria, the head cheerleader stamped her feet, clapping her hands together as I tentatively raised the beer to my lips. The glow from the bonfire made her pretty features seem almost demonic – the flames of her red hair danced around her face, her eyes had crimson tints from the reflection of the embers. Jane cackled beside her, clapping her hands in glee as I gulped down the alcohol obediently. _

_"Go Esme!" Felix crowed, one of the gigantic linebackers. Demetri, his right-hand man, laughed as I choked on the beer but continued to down it until the bottle was empty. I discarded it with a triumphant flourish. _

_"That was totally awesome, Esme!" Irina, another of Victoria's cronies, cajoled me. She flicked her short blonde hair and grinned appreciatively at me. I couldn't believe my luck, the fact that all of the popular people were looking at me with such admiration. And it was all down to…_

_"CHARLIE!" Felix bellowed suddenly, catching sight of a sandy-haired guy in a varsity jacket. Well, think of the devil. Charlie Evenson, my boyfriend, his killer smile and piercing gray eyes the fantasy of many a girl at my high school. He spotted us and jogged over with a wide smile on his face, looping one arm around my waist and pecking me tenderly on the cheek. _

_"You two are so beyond cute," Victoria told me, smiling fondly at us both. I grinned back, my happiness swelling immeasurably._

_"Three cheers for CSHS's hero!" Demetri crowed, and everyone erupted into rapturous cheers and applause. Charlie accepted this with a grateful nod and a blush. _

_"Well, thanks guys. I couldn't have done it without ya. But if you'll excuse me, I wanna go for a walk with my girlfriend." _

_He looked down at me adoringly whilst his friends wolf-whistled and made other unsavory remarks. _

_"Ignore them, babe," he told me, squeezing my waist gently. I felt totally weightless. _

_Taking my hand, he led me away from the sports field, away from the bonfire and bellowing laughter. I liked walks with Charlie – it was always so special when it was just the two of us. _

_We made a circuit of the pitch, just holding hands and quietly talking, before he pulled me up shortly behind the bleachers on the side furthest from the bonfire celebrations, both out of sight and out of earshot – not that we could be heard over the screeching calls of the excitable footballers and cheerleaders, of course._

_He pulled me flush against his chest, and my heart began to beat faster. He was a great kisser. His lips met mine an instant later, and I tangled my hands into his hair, kissing him as fervently as he was kissing me, our tongues warring together. He drew back slightly, leaning his forehead on mine. _

_"Christ, Esme, I want you so bad right now," he whispered against my lips, panting._

_"I love you," I murmured, reveling in the wonder of my relationship. His hand moved from my waist to my leg, slipping under my skirt. It wasn't the first time, and I had never complained before. I gasped as he slid his hand inside my panties, his fingers stroking me sensitively. _

_"Charlie," I whispered. "We'll get caught!"_

_"They won't even notice," he purred, and by that point I didn't even care. I was too lost in the sensations he was creating._

_His hand left my underwear, and I had to admit that I was a little disappointed. Instead, he gripped my hips, lifting me up so that I could wrap my legs around his waist. I did so._

_He slowly lay me down into the grass, shrugging out of his jacket and pulling his shirt over his head once my back was pressed into the ground. He brought his lips back to mine, and my hands ran over his shoulder blades, adoring the feeling of being wanted, needed. _

_He was already straining against the crotch of his pants; I could feel how hard he was against my thigh. He moaned hungrily as I slid my hands down his stomach and down past the waistband of his jeans, lightly brushing my fingers against his erection._

_"Shit, Esme!" he gasped in my ear, and I smiled at the fact that I – little, naïve me – was making the quarterback whimper like that._

_His hands moved to my legs again, and he began to pull down my panties, sliding the material over my legs. Once he had discarded them, he unfastened his own jeans. _

_I froze. We had gone as far as some kissing, some touching, some minor sexual contact, but the way Charlie was now pulling his jeans down, positioning himself. Did he think we were going to have sex?_

_There was no way I was ready for that! I was only just sixteen! I wasn't… I didn't want to…_

_Not yet. I wanted to wait a few months. Charlie and I had only been together for four months and I was a virgin. It was too soon, much, much too soon. _

_"Charlie," I said urgently, pushing at his shoulders. He sat up a bit, his eyes gazing down into mine._

_"What's the matter, babe?" his voice sounded low with arousal._

_"We can't do this yet. It's too much – I'm not ready."_

_He stared at me like I'd just told him the moon was made of cheese. "You what?"_

_"I'm not ready to have sex," I pleaded, my eyes beseeching him to understand, to wait. I wasn't adverse to other things, just losing my virginity._

_"It sure looks like you are," he appraised me himself; running his fingers between my legs and making me shiver in spite of myself. "You're more than ready for me."_

_"I don't want to do this right now." Please understand, I thought._

_"Could've fooled me, Esme. What, do you just enjoy torturing me? Are you enjoying being a sadistic bitch?" _

_I jerked as if he'd slapped me. If that's how he hoped to convince me, it wasn't going to happen. I pushed at his shoulders harder, trying to get him off me. _

_"Esme, you know you want this," he growled._

_"Yes, I do, but not right now. Can you just wait a few more months?" I begged. _

_His eyes darkened. "It's now or never."_

_My jaw set, and I fought back tears. I couldn't believe what I was about to say, but I hoped I was only going to call his bluff. "Then it's never. I won't be pressured."_

_I made to get up, but he slammed me roughly back down into the grass, whacking my head off the hard ground. I gasped, tears springing up in my eyes from the pain._

_"Like fuck you won't. Lay still, Esme. I've waited fucking long enough for this." _

_I struggled, truly frightened now, but he stopped me with a vicious slap across my cheek. My face seared with pain. He was so much stronger than me, and my eye felt like it was about to explode. I whimpered softly._

_"No bitch is going to hold out on me any longer, Esme."_

_I trembled with fear. Opening my mouth, I tried to scream, tried to attract some attention, but my throat was dry and all that came out was a hoarse, desperate croak. Charlie sensed my intentions though, as my actions earned me an excruciating punch to the stomach, followed by another thump of my head to the ground. This time I heard a crack, and my breath caught as agony ripped through my skull. His fingers closed around my throat, slowly choking the life right out of me._

_"We're doing this, Esme."_

_He moved himself between my legs, taking his hand from my throat and crushing it unbearably against my wrist. Another snap. Amazingly, through all the abuse he was still turned on, and he didn't bother about being careful in his need for release. Why would he? He had already hurt me badly enough. _

_He thrusted himself inside of me, and I gasped again at the pain of such a forceful entry. I knew I was bleeding. Tears rolled unchecked down my cheeks as he moved violently in and out of me, grinding his hips painfully against me, his belt and zip of his jeans tearing into the flesh of my stomach. _

_I held still, bleeding, crying, frightened, as the boy I thought I had loved robbed me off my dignity, my pride and my virginity in one fell swoop. As he stole my innocence, something I had not given him permission to take. _

_I wept piteously as he grunted and moaned on top of me. Pain made my body convulse with each movement. _

_Nobody heard me cry. Nobody was coming to rescue me._

_"Esme!" A voice shouted. Wait, what was that? Who was that? That honey voice…_

_"Esme!" Everything was slowly beginning to fade, to go black at the edges as I was spiraling down a long tunnel of nothingness, fear clawing at my insides… _

* * *

"Esme!"

I woke up with an ear-splitting, keening scream coming from my mouth, my arms thrashing wildly against the figure bent over me, his words coming through calmly and urgently.

"Esme, it's just me, it's Carlisle. You were having a nightmare. Esme, calm down, please!" The anxiety in his voice was paramount. Slowly, my screaming and thrashing stopped, and, shaking violently, I threw myself into Carlisle's arms. They were immediately around me, pulling me to his chest, making me feel safe and secure, as though nothing could touch me as long as he held me.

I broke down as soon as my voice box gave out, and was reduced to a sobbing heap on Carlisle's shoulder. He rocked me gently, murmuring soothing words in my ear and stroking my hair from my scalp to where it stopped at the middle of my back, following the patterns of the waves and curls.

Eventually, my sobs began to quieten. I hadn't had that nightmare in a month. I lay on Carlisle's shoulder, emotionally exhausted, and realized that he wasn't speaking. He was _singing_.

Whatever he was singing was soft and beautiful, but I didn't understand a word, because it was all in Spanish. I listened to the words roll off his tongue, marveling at the sound of his velvet voice, before my breathing started to return to normal. When Carlisle heard that, the singing stopped.

"Where did you learn to sing like that?" I wondered.

"I have a few hidden talents," he whispered directly into my ear, causing the hairs on the back of my neck to stand up as his warm breath tickled my earlobe.

"Thank you," I whispered back. "For staying with me. For waking me up."

"Esme, there's no place I would rather have been. I'm only sorry I didn't get here sooner." He sounded chagrined, and I wished he wouldn't. He was so pure, so good. And inherently angelic soul.

"Carlisle… I… I wish I was braver than I am," I mumbled, and his hand caught my chin, tilting it up so that I was looking directly into his golden eyes.

"You are one of the bravest people I have ever met, Esme. One of the kindest, most loyal and trusting people I have ever met. The monster of a boy that is the cause of those nightmares deserves to be burned to a crisp in the flames of hell for what he did to you. It should be a cardinal sin to do so much as look at someone as soft and sweet as you with malice."

My heart was thumping out a new rhythm in my chest, and my eyelids were fluttering closed and then open again, as my breathing became shallower. Where I had been scared before, there was only desire. It erased all of my bad memories. All I wanted was the angel in my arms.

"Carlisle," I begged, and surprised myself by how sexual my voice managed to sound. A lover's sigh in his ear. I felt him shiver.

"Yes, Esme?" he murmured, and I could hear the quavering in his voice.

I took a deep breath, steeling myself to prove I was as brave as he thought me. "Kiss me," I pleaded. "Please."

It was a very different kind of pleading than it had been with Charlie, but I still felt a thrill of fear shoot through me. Not a fear that he would – but a fear that he wouldn't.

His lips, very softly, pressed against mine, and my heart broke out into a sprint, my palms slick with sweat. There was a tingling coursing through my entire body, and my blood was fire in my veins. I had never had this before. His mouth opened, still with the softest, the lightest of pressures, coaxing mine with it, and his tongue ghosted over mine.

I felt faint. Incredible. Like I could touch the sky and the nearest star with one jump if I felt inclined to. My hands gripped his shoulders, pulling him closer, my lips adding more pressure, but Carlisle's kiss remained teasingly, heart-meltingly soft and passionate. Like he was proving to me that he would never, could never be brutal.

Confirming my thoughts, he whispered against my mouth. "I would never hurt you, Esme. On my life, I couldn't harm a hair on your head."

I kissed his bottom lip, softly sucking on it, and was rewarded with a sensual moan from him, one that sent tingles right to my core. "I'm falling in love with you," I confided in him, whispering the words against his lips like a secret. "I love you, Carlisle."

He broke away from our kiss for a moment, his lips brushing against my hair as he straightened up a little.

"I love you too, Esme," he whispered. This last month, nearly… I've been trying so hard not to… but I can't seem to stop…"

I silenced him by tugging his face back down to my level, my lips already moving against his again. This was bliss. Perfection. It was as if there was nobody but Carlisle and I in the whole world, and we were alone, and peaceful and…

My heart ballooned outwards so much that I thought it would pop in my chest as I thought of the last two words, the ones so perfect they brought a tear to my eye.

_In love_.


	6. Teasing and Musing

_**Carlisle**_

I glanced down at Esme as she stirred in her sleep. Was she some sort of doe-eyed seductress leading me off the pathway to heaven and straight into the fiery pits of hell? No, she could never be anything less than the beautiful, intelligent, angelic girl that she was. Still, I would happily forfeit my place in heaven if it meant staying with Esme on earth.

Twenty six years, and nothing had ever affected me the way Esme did. Nothing made me feel so... out of control. I was meticulous in my planning of everything, and the fact that she had stumbled into my life unannounced and shaken it up so irreversibly was a little frightening, if I was being honest with myself.

It terrified me how completely I adored her after a mere month in her company. From the very second her eyes met mine on that first day when she walked into my office, I felt my heart changing. I hadn't been aware that it would be altered so completely, however. Nor had I expected my feelings to be reciprocated. And they were reciprocated in kind, apparently.

I stared at the sleeping girl in wonder. She had drifted off to sleep again in my office, me sitting on the desk chair, her curled in my lap, her head leaning against my shoulder. I brushed her soft, caramel hair back from her face, tracing the natural waves with my fingertips.

She was beyond beautiful, really. Everything about her was delicate and feminine, from her diminutive stature to her slim curves to her dainty wrists. My thumb was stroking circles around her pulse point as I thought, and even this slight skin contact made my hand tingle with electrical energy. Her long eyelashes were casting shadows on her pale face, and for this time I marveled at how peaceful, how perfect she looked.

I had been adamant that I wouldn't waste my time on falling in love. But that was before Esme. And heaven knows, I didn't exactly plan it.

In fact, I couldn't have picked a more awkward person to have given my heart to. By all accounts, she was barely a woman, and still in high school. I should have been ashamed of my feelings, and at first I was, but by now I had ceased to care. Who could resist such bewildering perfection? I'm sure men that were far stronger than me had both tried and failed.

That thought unsettled me. How many people had pined after Esme? Had wished she was theirs? How many of them had she kissed? Or worse still, how many had she had sex with? _Made love_ with?

An emotion bubbled up in the pit of my stomach, forcing me to choke on an acrid, metallic taste in my mouth. I had no name for it for a moment, before it hit me with a resounding finality.

I was jealous. Nameless, faceless strangers, and I was seething with jealousy because Esme may or may not have shown them affection. It wasn't like my jealousy when someone achieved higher marks than me in med school. No, that was a quiet, sulky jealousy. This was jealousy masquerading as rage. Which was powerful and unfamiliar – a dangerous combination.

I shook the unpleasant thoughts away, wishing that I didn't have them in the first place. Instead, I tried to imagine introducing Esme to my mother. She would adore her, no doubt. My father, on the other hand... he would detest me. He would see it as me 'corrupting a young girl's innocence' or something else equally outrageous and objectionable.

My mother would be more understanding. Doubtlessly, the age gap would surprise her, as it did me, if I'm truthful. I had always imagined that, if I ever did settle down, it would be with somebody older than me. I was born a middle-aged man, as my mother always liked to say.

Esme stirred suddenly, and her eyes cracked open. My gaze was met with two beautiful orbs of blue the precise shade of a cloudless sky (a rare sight in Forks).

"Carlisle?" she murmured sleepily, and her dreamy, slightly incoherent speech was ridiculously adorable.

_What a besotted fool you are, you idiot, _my conscience chided me. I ignored it.

"I'm here, Esme." _And I will be here for as long as you want me_. I hoped that would be a long time.

"Did I fall asleep?" she asked, seemingly surprised. I bit back a laugh at her puzzled expression and smoothed her sleep-tousled hair with my left hand.

"Yes, my love. I didn't want to wake you – you seemed so tired."

To my surprise, her hand whipped out and smacked me squarely in the chest. I was so astonished that I gasped as though I had been winded, but really I barely felt a thing. "Don't do that. It means I don't get to spend any time with you."

I smiled as I looked down at her puppy dog expression, her lower lip pushed out into a pout. I just wanted to capture it between my own and taste it...

I broke out of my train of thought, entertained by her deliberately childish antics. It was surprising but comforting to know that we were still so secure around each other.

"I was here the whole time," I assured her. She scowled.

"It doesn't count. I didn't see you."

"You can see me now," I reminded her, smiling. She raised her hand to mould it to my cheek, and I felt my heart rate speed up. My breathing was automatically shallower. I wondered if she was even aware of the reaction I had to her.

"Yes, I can. Thank God," she whispered, and craned her neck up slightly to brush her lips against mine. My body responded in an embarrassing involuntary – or _extremely_ voluntary, depending on how you viewed it – way, and I shifted my weight to try and disguise the sudden straining against my pants.

The last thing I wanted was for Esme to think I was some depraved sex pest. Lord knows she'd been through enough of that.

Anger swelled in my head, obliterating all coherent thought for a minute, and I could have happily murdered the bastard who hurt my Esme in that moment.

Her lips found mine again, and the moment of anger was over before it had had a chance to begin. She threw herself into the kiss with infectious enthusiasm, and a certain part of my anatomy was becoming more enthusiastic in direct correlation. It was almost uncomfortable.

I didn't want to push Esme too far, so I let her lead. I let her deepen our kiss, let her fist her hands into my hair and pull my face closer to hers, if that were even possible. Let her, and loved it, it had to be said. When I was sure her lips must be bruised, she pulled away, but only to start trailing kisses along my jaw and down my neck, her hands loosening my tie to allow her better access.

I closed my eyes and reveled in the unexpected sensations coursing through my body, biting my lip to stifle a moan as she gently sucked on my collarbone. My hands tightened around her back, pulling her closer to me, pressing her against my body, and for a moment, my heightened state of arousal making me lose all rationality, I completely forgot why I'd arranged us in a slightly different position anyway.

Esme froze as she felt my – almost painful – erection pressing against her, and for a second I was terrified that I had frightened her away. Her eyes met mine with some unfathomable emotion reflected in them, and then she very slowly slid backwards along my lap, sending powerful shock waves rocking through my body, centered in my crotch.

I gasped, and tried to control myself. I was too forward, and now she was leaving. My stomach clenched horribly. She couldn't leave.

But she didn't move all the way off my lap at all. In fact, she smiled at me, widely, and I could name the emotion playing across her eyes now. Mischief.

Tantalizingly, she slid forwards across my lap again, creating more of the delicious friction. My breathing was suddenly more labored than before. She freed one of her legs which were pressed against my left hip, and carefully brought it across my lap, bringing it to a stop with her knee flush against my right hip.

So that she was actually straddling me. Oh god.

"Carlisle..." she whispered against my lips, trailing off suggestively at the end. Maybe I should rethink the seductress comparison – perhaps it was accurate after all. I couldn't deny that I adored seeing this side of Esme though.

"Yes," I all but whimpered in response. How... undignified. She gave a breathy laugh.

"I love you, you know," she told me, and I realized I wasn't the only one who was panting like they'd run a marathon. A sly, satisfied grin crept across my face.

"I love you too," I agreed, my fingers pressing possessively into the small of her back.

She looked up at me from under her eyelashes, and impossibly, I seemed to become even more aroused.

Slowly, she bent her head to the base of my neck, and softly dragged her tongue up until it reached my jaw. I groaned in ecstasy, my arms clenching around her tighter. She shifted her position on my lap again, causing more shockwaves. She was almost too much, but I couldn't get enough.

"What happened to vulnerable Esme?" I murmured into her ear, and from my tone she could tell it wasn't an accusation. "I'm fairly sure she wouldn't be writhing in a respectable doctor's lap."

"What happened to coherent, honorable Carlisle?" she whispered playfully. "I'm fairly sure he wouldn't be dry humping a teenager in his office."

The teasing banter was almost as affectionate as the kissing. "Oh, you think not? Well, in that case, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave, miss. I have a reputation to uphold." I made to get up, having no real intentions of escorting her out of my office, but she giggled and clung to my shoulders for dear life.

"No, no, I take it back!" she laughed. "Dr. Cullen comes in here with seventeen year olds all the time."

I laughed gently in her ear before planting a kiss just behind it. She shivered, to my delight. "I wouldn't go _that_ far."

"I should hope not," she purred, as my lips connected with her throat. I could feel her fingers tangling in my hair again, and I loved the sensation. It was as though she was staking her claim on me. I could live with that.

"But for now," I whispered, bringing her face close enough so that our noses were touching. "You should be getting home. It's late."

She grumbled, and my face lit up with childish delight that she so enjoyed spending time with me.

"Can't I just stay here forever?" she asked, winding her arms around my neck.

I gently unwound her stranglehold and kissed her hands. "I wouldn't be adverse to that suggestion, darling, but I suspect your parents might be."

She sighed, and I felt almost smug. "Fine. I guess." She slid backwards off my lap, taking care to brush the bulge in my pants one last time before straightening up.

"Get your coat, and then I'll drive you home."

She dithered, her eyes wide, her cheeks flushed. "But Carlisle, it's okay, I'll walk, and you don't have to put yourself out…"

I cut across her, holding up my hand to halt the flow of gibberish. "And then I'm driving you home."


	7. Positive

**

* * *

**

A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in what feels like years, but I had a loooooad of things to do. I promise I will try to post regular twice-weekly updates from now on. There, you have it in writing. Hopefully enjoy, and apologies about the shortness.

_**

* * *

**_

Esme

"So I was thinking..." Rose declared as we sat on the wall beside the parking lot after school had finished.

"Yeah?" I asked, hoping there was actually an end to that sentence. She had piqued my curiosity.

"Well, now that Edward and Bella are a couple, and there's me and Emmett, we should push Jasper into telling Alice how he feels."

I gasped in delighted surprise. "You noticed it too?"

Rosalie laughed, and her amazingly beautiful face was enhanced into something to rival the gods. "Es, honey, I have eyes. Everyone knows how Jazz feels about Alice."

I grinned in amusement. "It is pretty obvious."  
"You don't say?" she smirked. "So, what's the plan, Cupid?"

I blinked in surprise. "Me?"

"You hooked up Edward and Bella, didn't you? And I thought it couldn't be done! Although, I do think Ed should get someone to taste his drinks before he takes a sip now, Newton is pretty murderous, I feel."

I smiled wryly. Mike Newton had been on the warpath for the past few weeks now, just throwing contemptuous glares at Bella and Edward when they were together and purposefully trying to trip my brother up in the corridor whenever he saw him. It was a little bit pathetic, to be honest.

"Well, all Jasper needs is a bit of courage," I reasoned. "Not an intervention."

"I have a bottle of tequila in my bag," Rose offered brightly. "I was meant to give it back to Emmett, but if needs must then..."

I laughed. "I meant the real kind."

"Dutch courage is as good as any," Rose argued, her eyes glinting wickedly. I shook my head wearily at her.

"Don't encourage him to get wasted, Rosalie Lillian Hale," I chided sternly. "Drinking is not the solution."

Rosalie rolled her eyes at me, clucking her tongue. "You are such a mom, Esme!"

The comparison was a sudden knife in the gut. My eyes clouded over, and for a second all I could see was his face... the perfect little nose, the big, emerald eyes, the messy toffee coloured hair the exact shade of my own... I stifled a gasp as tears burned my eyes. That was one image I wanted to keep quiet. Edward knew, of course he did. Even if I hadn't wanted to tell him, the boy can read my mind...

"I'm no mother," I whispered brokenly, my eyes cast down towards my own lap.

Rosalie gave me a strange, sideways glance, sensing my tone. "Esme? Are you alright? You look like someone just killed your cat."

I sighed. One long, despairing sigh that carried with it all the weight of an execution. With my brow creased and my lips mashed into a thin line, I worked very hard on composing and neutralising my expression. When I was sure I had it under control, I glanced up.

"I'm fine," I said in a passably convincing voice.

But I wasn't fine, and we both knew it. I would never be fine about being reminded of my one biggest heartache. My only heartache.

_

* * *

_

I stared at the little pink plus sign incredulously for another moment, tentatively adjusting my position so that my back wasn't protesting quite as much.

_A soft knock on the bathroom door made me jump nearly an inch off the lid of the toilet seat. _

_"Esme?" Edward called. "Es, you've been in there a while... is everything okay? Are you hurting?" _

_I was always hurting these days, it seemed. I never got even a moment's respite. I had such an ill rapport with Amanda the Step-Monster that I, now confined to the house until I was 'well' again, had taken to hibernating in my bedroom, coming out seldom if ever. _

_"I..." I was in too much shock to even get my sentence out. Edward could sense that something was wrong, though. He could read me like a book. His knocking became more urgent. _

_"Esme! Let me in, please!" he begged in a frantic whisper to keep from alerting Amanda. _

_"I..." I couldn't move. I was in too much shock – all my energy was concentrated on performing simple bodily processes like breathing and keeping my heart beating. _

_I heard a scuffling outside the door, and Edward barged in not a second later, his eyes wide and alarmed. _

_I took one look at him and burst into silent yet forceful tears. His arms were instantly around me, his hand rubbing soothing circles on my back as I hiccoughed into his shoulder, staining his nice blue shirt with hot, salty tears. _

_"Esme, don't cry," he mumbled, rocking me slowly back and forth. _

_"I c-c-can't help it-t," I sobbed. "M-my li-life is over."_

_"That can't be true," he soothed, brushing my hair out of my face. "I'll fix whatever's broken. Just tell me what's wrong."_

_I caught and held his gaze, my face a mask of anguish, sorrow and fear. Taking one deep, steeling breath, I brought my chin up and said the two most terrifying words I had ever uttered._

_"I'm pregnant."_


	8. Birth

_**Esme**_

_"Edward, they're going to murder me," I whispered, genuinely frightened. I had climbed into bed with my brother, in much the same way I used to when he and I were five and I had had a nightmare. He pulled me into a tight hug, sighing hopelessly as he released me. _

_"It's not your fault, Esme. They can't murder you for it. You were raped."_

_"It's been three and a half months, and I haven't told them. And now I'm starting to show..." I buried my head in my hands, at a complete loss as to what I should do. The ever-so-slight bump that was my stomach clenched uncomfortably, but that was just dread at the conversation I would soon be having with my father and the step-monster. _

_"You don't have to tell them. I'll come with you and hold your hand while you get it taken care of," he offered, and I froze, appalled._

_"Taken care of? You mean an abortion?" I demanded, drawing back from my brother's embrace with a repulsed look on my face. _

_"Yeah, I mean..." _

_I held his gaze, even and very controlled. The way I was glaring at him made no bones about my distaste for that option._

_"I would never."_

_Edward's face twisted into a look of agonised fear, spasming until he could reign in his emotions. Slowly, tenderly, he took my hand and squeezed it._

_"I'm here for you, sis. Don't ever forget that. No matter what happens."_

_I gave him a weak, terrified smile. "I'll hold you to that."_

* * *

"Esme, darling, are you okay? You seemed miles away." Carlisle's voice jerked me out of my reverie and I turned my face towards where he was sitting, inclined towards me across his desk, his reading glasses perched studiously on the end of his nose. I smiled at how adorable he looked.

"I suppose I'm just lost in my own little world," I replied, shrugging. He gave me a beatific grin.

"My grandmother used to say that I was 'away with the fairies' whenever I did that," he shared. I giggled at the thought – it conjured a vividly comical mental image.

"It's really inconsiderate of me... I should be spending every available second kissing you," I diverted the topic coyly, and Carlisle smirked.

"Well, I can't say I'm adverse to that idea," he replied smoothly, opening up his arms for me to walk around the side of his desk and fold myself into his embrace.

Two steps and I was snuggled on his lap, his lips softly grazing my own. I leaned into him and deepened our kiss, my tongue moving lovingly, languidly against his, my hands tangling into his hair.

We let out simultaneous sighs of contentment.

A knock at the door caused us both to jump nearly a mile in the air. We broke apart guiltily, and I slid off his lap as though I were worried that I might be scalded.

"Come in," Carlisle called in a perfectly reasonable tone, as if nothing more than polite conversation had been taking place a few seconds previously.

A brunette nurse popped her head around the door. "Sorry to bother you, Dr. Cullen, but Megan keeps asking the neo-natal nurses if she and Sam can see their son yet."

Carlisle rose swiftly from his desk and shot me a conspiratorial wink. "I wouldn't dare deprive them of the joy."

I bit my lip nervously, and Carlisle arched one perfect eyebrow at me. "Are you coming, Esme?"

"Yes." I rose obediently, not wanting to disappoint the man I loved, even though I knew it wouldn't bother him too much if I sat out a trip to the nursery.

I placed a false smile on my face and sucked in a steeling breath, but my mind was focused on something far, far away.

_

* * *

_

"How are you feeling today, Esme?" I stopped gazing out of the window and turned to meet a pair of smiling green ones, just three or four shades lighter than my own. The man standing in my room was handsome, that was for sure, in a cheeky, rugged sort of way. Unshaven, with longish sandy brown hair and the most infectious grin I had ever seen, he was my sanity in the confines of the rehab centre. My breath of fresh air.

_"I'm fine, Garrett, Just waiting it out now."_

_"Same as every other day then. Why do I bother asking anymore again?" The grin on his face told me he was joking, and I welcomed any sort of levity. Garrett was a lot easier to talk to than the majority of the doctors and carers in the centre. He was an intern, and therefore younger – and more entertaining – than the rest of the staff who had been staring down their noses at me. _

_"Because you care...?" I suggested. _

_He gave a theatrical sigh. "Stupid me, huh?"_

_"Well, yeah, I suppose. Don't you have any friends or anything? Surely you have something better to do than to hang out with a knocked up sixteen year old."_

_"I had friends..." he mused. "Until med school. Then they kinda fell by the wayside."_

_"Well, if it makes you feel any better, my friends don't want to know me anymore," I offered cajolingly._

_His face fell, and he stared at me with the most sympathetic look I had ever seen from a person. "No, Es. That doesn't make me feel any better at all."_

_I huffed slightly. "It doesn't exactly bolster my mood either, come to think of it."_

_"I have news that might, Edward's driving down to see you tonight, and he's staying for the whole weekend," Garrett offered, and a genuine smile lit up my features, my morose mood instantly vanishing. _

_"Edward's coming to see me?" I couldn't keep the excitement out of my voice. I felt like I was missing a limb without my twin brother._

_"He rang this morning," Garrett nodded. _

_Suddenly, I felt a fluttering motion in my uterus, sort of like butterflies, but stronger. My hands flew to my distended abdomen, and I gasped. _

_"What's the matter?" Garrett asked, a note of concern in his voice._

_I threw back my head and let out a joyous laugh. "The baby's kicking!" My eyes alight, I stroked my swollen stomach, cooing at the child I could now feel inside of me._

* * *

"Megan, I hope we haven't kept you waiting too long," Carlisle said in a smooth, measured tone that clearly reflected warmth whilst keeping that cool, doctor distance. I watched in awe as he reached into the plastic cot and drew out a small, wriggling bundle. I could just make out the porcelain face amid the swathes of blankets. With a wide smile on his face, Carlisle handed the baby to his exhausted mother.

"Congratulations, both of you," he told them, bowing his blond head slightly. Sam was stroking his wife's damp, mousy hair, staring in wondrous disbelief into the face of his newborn son. As Carlisle shuffled backwards to give them room, I unthinkingly moved forwards, transfixed by the squirming newborn and the glittering tears in his mother's eyes.

I peered into the baby's face, and two huge brown eyes blinked back at me. I stifled a gasp. He was absolutely beautiful, and I felt a strange, exhilarating rush of bittersweet emotion, sadness and joy all at once. I wondered about my own child, and I felt myself welling up.

"He's extraordinary," I informed Megan thickly, swallowing back the lump in my throat.

"He really is, isn't he?" she cooed. "Do you like children, Esme?"

I closed my eyes for a second to collect myself, and was hit with the image of my own eyes staring up at me, my exhausted arms clinging to something warm and soft and infinitely precious.

A single tear slid down my cheek.

"Yes, Megan, I like children," I answered.

_

* * *

_

"Push, Esme!" Edward was chanting. "You can do this!"

_With a death grip on my brother's hand, I gave one final, painful push. I was groaning in agony, and then all of a sudden the pain stopped, even more abruptly than it had come. Nurse Eloise pulled the baby from me for a minute, and I slumped backwards onto my pillows, more exhausted and yet more alive than I had ever been before. _

_Baby's cries filled the little room, and then Eloise was handing me a bundle of blankets._

_"Congratulations, Esme, you have a beautiful baby boy." _

_I gazed down into his face in tired amazement, and two big emerald eyes stared at me in surprise, startled, wheezy pants coming from his partially open mouth. His skin was smooth and incredibly soft, his eyelashes very long, his fingers miniature and perfect. _

_He was my son. _

_I tasted the tears before I felt them, hot and salty. Raising one weak hand, I stroked my index finger down the length of his cheek. _

_"He's gorgeous, Esme," Edward whispered. "My nephew."_

_I thought the heartbreak was going to kill me when I said my next words. "Tell... can you say to his parents that I'd really like it if they called him Garrett?" I grabbed Edward's hand to make my point clear. "Say that it's important."_

_Edward mashed his lips together in a thin line, but nodded seriously. _

_"Someone should go and get the Davidsons from their room, and tell them they have a baby boy," Eloise said evenly._

_I closed my eyes again. The agony of that was worse than my labour._


	9. Rosalie's Revelation

_**Esme**_

There's something amazingly sweet about Bella Swan. She was never exactly extroverted, more politely friendly and cheerful, but over the last couple of months she'd become something of a best friend to me. Edward couldn't have picked a nicer girl to fall for.

Alice, on the other hand, is about as extroverted as a person could get, one cheery, witty little firework, whizzing around the place trailing sparkles and pretty colours, bringing smiles to the faces of all those around her.

Emmett is a teddy bear. He became the tough-on-the-outside big brother with the gooey caramel center to me, and I adore the way he could make me feel like a kindergartener when he's in one of his silly moods.

Jas is a blissful breath of quiet, grounded air. He is so laid-back, he's horizontal, and he has this inimitable knack for making you feel like it was pointless to stress about anything. He really helps me get out of my head.

Most of all though, I've become close to Rosalie. She truly is my rock, the one person I could tell anything to. We may seem like an odd pair – shy, retiring Esme Masen and loud, mouthy Rosalie, one with a blush as ferocious as the attitude of the other. We're practically family.

Which is why, when I sat down at our cafeteria table that lunch, and Rose was eating there alone, I knew something was seriously wrong.

"Rose," I said as I sat down, my brow furrowing in concern. "What's the matter?"

She glanced up at me with panicked eyes, but no words came out of her half open mouth. Instead, she returned to her sandwich, of which she'd had maybe two bites. At most.

"Why aren't you eating?" I tried again, having elicited no response from my previous question.

"I'm eating," she replied defensively. I sighed, knowing I should try and reach her again, but unsure as to how to broach the subject of her mood for a third time.

Fortunately for Rose, I was spared that chance by the arrival of Alice, Edward and Emmett. Edward plonked himself down on my right, immediately shoving a whole tomato into his mouth and popping it loudly. Alice sat on Edward's left and daintily began to nibble on a cracker.

My attention turned to Emmett, who was looking uncharacteristically morose. His eyes were cast down to the tabletop, his dimples were not on show, and he too was sitting ashen faced without eating a bite of his food.

"Emmett, what's up?" I ventured, but Alice and Edward both shook their heads at me in alarm.

"Nothing," he sighed, and I was about to give up, when Rose snapped.

"Don't be so fucking nosy, Esme! Whatever's the problem, it's got absolutely fuck all to do with you!" her voice carried, and a few people on the nearer tables twisted around to stare at the scene she was creating. Rose scraped back her chair with a deafening squeal and stood in one jerky motion, swinging on her heels and flouncing out of the cafeteria, golden waves streaming behind her.

"Rose!" I called after her, and I was halfway out of my seat before Emmett stood.

"I'll go," he said in a final tone, so I sat.

Jasper slid through the door at the same time Emmett left, and glanced behind him at the retreating and miserable couple.

"What's wrong with Mr. And Mrs. Cheerful?" he asked as he reached the table, taking Rose's recently vacated place.

"Hell if I know," Alice muttered, looking distinctly put out.

I should have guessed she'd be miffed about not being included in any drama. One glance at Jasper, who shot me a conspiratorial wink, and I knew he was thinking the exact same thing.

"Where's Bella, Edward?" Jasper deftly changed the subject, and I grinned.

"She's got stomach flu, so she's in bed at home. I'm taking her over some books from the library and some chocolate cake, so she can eat something she loves when she feels a bit better."

"Aren't you a good boyfriend?" Alice cooed, provoking a giggle from everyone seated at the table.

"What are you doing tonight Esme?" Jas asked sociably, and I felt blood pool in my cheeks as I considered my plans. Tonight was my first official date with Carlisle. He was cooking for me at his house.

"Working at the hospital. Doing admin work," I shrugged.

"And wishing the admin work was Dr. Cullen, by the look of that blush. I think you'd much rather do him."

I shushed her and laughed, unable to deny what she was saying.

"Alice, why don't you go out with Jasper tonight?" Edward suggested oh-so-casually, and I could barely refrain from smirking.

Alice shrugged. "Jazz? Movies?"

Jasper nodded his confirmation. "I'll check what's on when I get home and ring you, yeah?" Alice agreed, and the two of them went back to eating their lunches, both looking a little too pleased with themselves. I hid a smile.

"Where have Rose and Emmett got to?" I fretted, unable to keep myself from obsessing over the fact that I basically chased Rosalie out of the door.

"Don't worry about them," Jasper said gently, and I felt a wave of calm wash over me. "I'm sure it's just Rose being Rose."

I bit my lip and nodded my agreement, even though there was a tiny little voice in the back of my head telling me that I was wrong to dismiss the scene she had made.

* * *

It took me three tries to balance the books in my arms enough to unlock the Volvo doors, but I succeeded eventually. Heaving a sigh, I tossed the books onto the backseat, and busied myself with clipping in my seatbelt. I heard the passenger door open with a quiet sucking noise, and felt the car tip off balance as another person got in.

Turning to face the passenger seat, I found myself nose to nose with a teary Rosalie.

I drew back slightly, alarmed. It took a few moments for my heart rate to settle down, but once it did, I appraised her calmly. She looked a state. Her eyes were red and puffy, and black mascara marks were smeared down her cheeks. My teeth began to worry my bottom lip as I examined her. Her skin was grey, her expression hopeless, her hair lank and straggly.

"Rosie, what's wrong?" I whispered in my naturally maternal tone.

"I don't know how I'm going to cope with it!" she hissed in agony, burying her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking with fresh sobs.

"How you're going to cope with what?" I pressed, stroking her back in soothing circles. She threw herself forward, her head thumping into the dashboard, and wailed in utter despair.

"My dad will th-throw me o-out!" she lamented. "My m-m-mom will murder m-me!"

"Why?" I insisted on an answer, but she seemed to have forgotten I was there.

"Daddy w-will sh-shoot Emmett, I kn-know he will! And every-ryone at school... they'll d-do nothing but go-g-gossip, a-a-and..." she trailed off, sobbing hysterically.

"What is going on, Rosalie Lillian Hale?" I demanded, a little more sharply than I'd intended. She raised her watery violet eyes to mine and sniffed the two words that made my blood run cold.

"I'm pregnant."

* * *

**A/N: Sorry it's taken me so long to update, I'm going to start doing more regular updates (I'm thinking weekly) so stay tuned for more if you're still following this story - and if you are I genuinely love you for being so loyal.**

**PJXD**


	10. The Pure And Simple Truth

The drive to Carlisle's house was a contemplative one. I was still reeling from Rosalie's bombshell, and the bitter taste in my mouth could only be attributed to one thing; envy. I knew it was wrong to wish that I was in the same predicament as my friend, but I couldn't help but feel jealous. I wanted what she had – the chance to keep my child and raise it with the knowledge that I could look after it, that I would look after it well, especially if I had a supportive boyfriend at my side. And Rosalie had that last assurance at least.

I felt sick, thinking back on our conversation in the parking lot.

_Rosalie's tears were half dried, leaving silvery streaks down her beautiful face. She stared at me with watery violet eyes, pleading silently for me to say something, and I couldn't. I was at a loss for words. _

_ "Esme, are you judging me?" she whispered. Oh, if only she knew. How could I be that hypocritical as to judge her?_

_ "No, of course not," I replied, my voice a weak echo of what it should have been. Rose chewed her bottom lip, clearly not believing me. I wondered when her paranoia had grown so far that she didn't even believe her best friend when she told her something. _

_ "What am I going to do?" she whimpered, her voice cracking on the last syllable. My heart wrenched with pity. _

_ "Have you spoken to Emmett about it?" I asked reasonably, trying to seem calm and grounded. She bobbed her head, her blonde hair flying with the motion. _

_ "He said that he'd support me whatever I decided to do," she murmured, interlocking her fingers and twisting them so far it looked painful. "But what sort of answer is that? I have no idea what I want to do."_

_ "He can't make the decision for you," I told her truthfully. "He can contribute, but it's your choice at the end of the day."_

_ "I can't have a baby, Esme!" she hissed, wild desperation saturating her expression. I felt a tug at my heart, and it took me a while to pinpoint the queasy sensation. I got it eventually though – fear, pity and mostly (and most shamefully) jealousy. _

_ My vision clouded with my own memories, and I opened my mouth to tell her that she would always regret it if she didn't have the child. I opened my mouth to share my story, but closed it just as quickly. It was better for her not to know. She needed to reach her own conclusion, not mine._

_ "I want to get this... taken care of..." she mumbled, her eyes cast to her lap. "But I'm scared. Will you come with me, Es?"_

_ I bit the inside of my cheek, anguish tearing at my insides. She was my best friend. I had to support her, no matter what she decided. No matter that her decision was breaking me. _

_ I drew in a steadying breath and looked her boldly in the eye. "I'll do whatever you need me to, Rosie. That's what I'm here for."_

I sighed, blinking back the tears that had accumulated in my eyes as I came back to the present. There was precious little that would pull me out of the despair I was wallowing in, but I knew Carlisle would manage it, at least temporarily. It wasn't fair of me to ruin our first real date in our five months of illicit togetherness by being miserable.

As I pulled up at the three door garage beside his large, pristine white house, I smiled, forcing a brave face to arrange itself on my features. The house never failed to impress me, and I had never spent the whole evening inside it. Ten minutes, at most, was all I managed.

Carlisle was waiting for me when I ascended the steps to the front door, standing in the doorway in a casual white button-down shirt and jeans, looking every bit the angel that I knew he really was. His smile was beautiful, and was all reserved for me. I skipped up the last step and danced forward into his embrace.

"Esme," he greeted, warm relief in his tone. He pressed his cheek into my hair as he hugged me to him, and I sighed in contentment. I felt safer just in his presence, smelling his sweet sunshine-and-sandalwood smell, something uniquely him, but very intoxicating.

"I've missed you," I admitted honestly. He chuckled into my caramel waves.

"And I you," he replied in his charmingly outdated cadence. "Come on inside."

He led me by the hand through the foyer, and my nose caught the scent of something delicious. I assumed it was dinner.

"How has your day been, love?" he asked as he took my coat. I tilted my head to one side, considering.

"A little overwhelming," I deliberated. "How was yours?"

"Busy, as always," he said lightly, smirking at me. "But it's nice to be home."

"It is," I agreed, before blushing crimson. "Sorry, I meant..."

He placed one finger to my lips to silence me. "I preferred your statement without the clarification."

I smiled behind the pressure of his hand. He was so effortlessly perfect sometimes. I wondered how any man could ever match up to his magnificence, and decided that they couldn't. They would never come close.

"What's for dinner?" I paused in my step as I spoke, causing him to stop as well. He – almost subconsciously, it seemed – swept me into his arms as he answered.

"Carbonara."

I stood on tiptoes to press my lips to his, softly. He kissed me tenderly for a moment, but released me to attend to the dinner, chatting as he did so about several of his patients and their various anecdotes.

Once dinner was ready, the conversation deepened to politics, lightening with a few very well timed one liners, and ending with quite an entertaining story about Carlisle's medical training. We laughed as we ate, and it just seemed so easy, so natural, so like we truly belonged.

After dinner, we watched a film. He let me choose, and of course I picked a romance. We ended up watching _Romeo and Juliet_, and I inevitably had a tear in my eye at the end. Carlisle wiped away the moisture with the pad of his thumb, and kissed the top of my head, lamenting that he had never understood why women were so affected by films.

As we were lying, entwined on the sofa, Carlisle started the conversation that made my blood run cold.

"Megan took the baby home today." It would have been an innocuous statement, had he been talking to anyone except me. I tried to hold it in, but my breath caught and before I knew it, I could feel hot tears streaming down my cheeks. Carlisle looked at me in horror as my shoulders started to shake.

"What's wrong?" he asked, with a slight edge of hysteria to his voice. He pulled me to him as I sobbed into his shoulder, feeling ridiculous but unable to halt the flow of tears.

"I don't know w-what to tell her!" I blubbered.

He was stroking soothing circles on my back. "Tell who, sweetheart?"

"Rosalie! She wants to get rid of it, and I... Carlisle... she wants me to go w-w-with her!"

He caught on at the speed of light. "Rosalie is pregnant?"

"Yes."

"She wants to have a termination?"

"Yes."

We sat in silence for a moment while I tried to rein in my anguish, Carlisle stroking my hair without comment.

"What I don't understand is why you're so affected by this," he whispered, and I drew back from his shoulder to gaze into his eyes. I expected to see the confusion there, but what I hadn't anticipated was the level of concern. His eyes were burning with worry... for me.

I began to speak before I knew what I was saying, and once the words started they just continued to pour.

"When I was sexually assaulted in Chicago, I... I found out I was pregnant. I didn't know what to do, but I couldn't bring myself to abort the baby. My stepmother convinced me to give the baby up for adoption, and even though I wished I could keep my baby, I knew it was irresponsible and impossible. So I agreed. I had a little boy, Carlisle, and I never even got to name him. I have no idea where he is... and the fact that Rose is throwing away such a perfect gift... it makes me angry, and I have no right to be."

He surveyed me for a long time, nothing but fierce concern and compassion in his expression. Minutes turned to hours under his painless scrutiny, and I felt my breathing return to normal as I measured its pace against his.

"You have every right to feel the way you do, my darling. Under the circumstances, it's wrong for Rosalie to ask you to go with her."

"She doesn't know," I murmured. "You're the first person I've told."

He was silent again for several moments. I watched his smooth brow furrow, and for a second he looked like a statue of some forgotten god of wisdom. Then his expression cleared and there was nothing but tenderness in his eyes. He raised one hand to stroke my face.

"I love you," he whispered, and my heart jumped. My wildest, most impossible dream... Carlisle loving me... had he really just said it?

"Carlisle..." I breathed, my eyes wide with wonder.

He smiled softly. "You don't have to say it back or anything... I just thought you should know."

"I love you, too," I replied instantly. How could I not? Saying anything else would be a lie, because I'd loved him since the second I first laid eyes on him.

I leaned closer to press my lips to his, and he kissed me with a sort of euphoric triumph I'd never felt before. I kissed him back almost territorially, finally able to wordlessly claim that he was mine.

When we broke apart, we were breathless.

He raised one hand and stroked my face. "Tell Rosalie the truth, darling. It will make you feel better, and who knows? Maybe she won't even want to get an abortion afterwards?"

Carlisle was pacifying me, but it was working. For the first time since Rose had told me about her situation, I felt hopeful.

"You have no idea how good you are, Carlisle," I whispered, tracing his lips with my fingers. "You're the best man I've ever known."

He looked so touched by my words; his gaze burned intently into mine. "_You_ are the most wonderful human being I have ever met, Esme."

I felt my blush spreading as I digested his comment, and all of a sudden a fire surged through me, originating from my heart. I looked him evenly in his sapphire eyes, and said, more boldly than I would ever have imagined I could,

"I want you to make love to me."

Carlisle was silent for a moment, surprise evident in his expression. "Esme, are you sure?" he murmured, tentative.

I nodded, slowly, my awkward, blushing self no longer present. Something else seemed to overtake me, but I was glad it had. I'd gotten the courage to ask for something I'd been dreaming about for months.

He moved over me on the sofa, and I leaned back, my head landing on the armrest. His eyes were gazing directly into mine. His total calm and serenity slowed my frantically beating heart. I reached up with steady hands to unbutton his white shirt, revealing his perfectly sculpted torso. He let it fall. Softly, his hands glided along my thighs, gathering the material of my dress up as they moved.

In one swift movement, he had pulled my dress over my head and deposited it on the floor. The electricity of our bare stomachs touching made my heart accelerate again. I unbuckled his belt, and he sat up to pull off his jeans, boxers with them, as I reached around to unclip my bra.

It was Carlisle's loving hands that removed my underwear. My eyes raked over his naked body as his did mine; I took in his hard muscles and broad shoulders and impressive length with lust and love in equal measure.

"You're so beautiful, Esme," he told me, and I couldn't help but marvel at how secure and treasured he made me feel.

"I love you," I answered simply. "So much."

"You're really sure?" he whispered in my ear as he leaned over me once more. I shivered at his warm, sweet breath on my skin.

"I've never been surer of anything, Carlisle." My response was honest.

His lips found mine as he hitched my legs over his hips and began to move, slowly, inside me, inch by inch. He was being so careful – treating me as if I were porcelain. I was not used to the adoration, and it made my eyes well up with tears of pure joy.

This was what I had wanted losing my virginity to be. When Carlisle was sheathed all the way inside me, he broke our kiss and gazed determinedly into my eyes again. I nodded almost imperceptibly, and he began to draw backwards.

I gasped at the sensation. No pain, no fear. Just a wave of sudden and unexpected pleasure.

He rocked forwards again, and my eyelids fluttered slightly. Wow.

He started off slow at first, with us just kissing, as our bodies moved against each other, and then it got too much. As the heat began to build, my moans grew louder and more frequent, and his answered mine. I ground my hips into him fiercely, and he thrust himself inside me with increasing force, creating torturous pleasure.

"Carlisle!" I whimpered, not sure I could handle any more of the sensory overload. "Please!"

I cried out as I felt the sudden release of wave after wave of unexpected euphoria, feeling Carlisle shaking on top of me as he came.

Still miraculously supporting his own weight, his lips met mine again for another languid kiss, with so much love and tenderness that it made my eyes tear up again.

I rested my forehead against his, feeling completely at peace.

If I were to suddenly drop dead, I wouldn't need to go to heaven; I was already there.


	11. Emmett's Request

Still on a high from the events of the evening, I all but skipped up the drive as I got out of the car. Hastily smoothing down my hair before I entered my house, I glanced around to make sure nobody was watching me. The light was on in Edward's room, and I could distantly hear music playing. The rest of the house was in darkness.

"Esme," a voice called from behind, and I jumped about a foot in the air, wheeling round with my hand over my heart. Standing half in the shadows was Emmett, his eyes red and his black curls flattened. He looked like death warmed up.

"Emmett, honey, you scared me," I murmured, my heart rate returning to normal.

"Sorry," he muttered, staring at the ground with a hopeless look on his face. "I just... I wanted to talk."

He looked so morose... how could I refuse him? "Of course we can talk, sweetie."

It was unnerving to see Emmett – who was always so perpetually happy – looking so downtrodden. Nothing phased him, but apparently the news of Rose's pregnancy had gotten to him like nothing else could.

It was a balmy night, so I sat down on the porch steps and beckoned my friend to join me. His hulking presence took up most of the room, and as his skin touched mine I was surprised to feel how cold he had gotten. He must have been outside for hours.

"Esme..." he whispered hopelessly. "What do I do?"

Of course he knew that I knew already. The trouble was, I had no answer for him. "Em, hon, what do you want to do?" I asked.

His anguished brown eyes flashed up to meet mine. "I want Rose to keep the baby. I know I'm not ready to be a father, but I want to try... I need to try... that's my kid, Es. She's pregnant with my child. Sure, I'm young, but I want to get to know whoever that kid might turn out to be."

I was at a loss for words. Emmett cast his eyes to the ground, but not before I saw that they were sparkling with unshed tears. Most teenage guys would beg their girlfriend to get an abortion, in my experience, and yet here Emmett was, broken at the thought. It was a weird world.

"You need to say this to Rosalie," I told him instantly.

"I don't want to force my feelings on her – I won't pressurize her into being a mother if she's not ready, I'm not that guy. It's just as bad as if I were trying to force her into an abortion."

Emmett truly had no idea how much of a catch he was. He reminded me slightly of Carlisle – good to the very core.

"Emmett, this is your baby too," I argued gently.

"But I love Rose. And I want her to be happy. If getting an abortion will make her happy, then I'll just have to accept that."

"Have you ever considered that maybe Rosie is scared that you would dump her if she kept the baby?" I suggested.

"I don't know, Es... I don't know what to do..." Emmett rested his head on my shoulder, continuing to mumble laments. He was silent for a long time, and it wasn't until I felt the wetness soaking into my arm that I realised he was crying.

"Emmett..." I whispered, running one hand through his lifeless curls. I was careful not to snag my fingers on any knots in his hair – my motherly instinct made me wonder whether he had even bothered to put a brush through his hair this morning. "It's all going to be okay, I mean it. It doesn't seem like it, but no matter what happens, you and Rose will survive. She loves you, and you love her. That's what matters most."

His shoulders shook slightly with his silent sobs, and I assumed he was too choked up to respond. Instead of pressuring him into speaking, I folded him into my arms properly and began to rock him gently until the sky was tinged with the yellow of sunrise, and his sobs eventually subsided.

All the while, my heart was breaking for him.

* * *

I caught up with Rosalie after school just as she reached her car. Her keys were in her hand, her schoolbag slung over one shoulder. She looked exhausted.

"Rose," I called, jogging across the parking lot towards her. She froze, turning her head to make sure it was me before bestowing on me a tentative smile.

"Hey," she said weakly. "Have you thought any more about coming with me to the..." she dropped her voice, and leaned in closer. "...clinic?"

"I have to talk to you about that," I answered in a low tone, and she gestured to the passenger side of her car.

"I'll give you a ride home," she offered.

I hopped into the passenger seat and waited for her to join me inside the car. She busied herself, making quite a show of stacking her books on the backseat in a very transparent attempt to put off the uncomfortable conversation. Once her seatbelt was clicked into place, I began.

"I have a story to tell you, and it's long, and pretty shocking. But first, I want to make it clear to you that while you are my best friend, and I love you like a sister, I disagree with what you want to do. I'll stand by you, but I hate it."

Rose's eyes widened, but she said nothing.

"The reason I hate it... is because I know. I know what it's like to give up a child."

Her jaw dropped, but still she was speechless.

"In sophomore year, I was a nobody at my high school in Chicago. I barely crossed anyone's radar. Then, out of nowhere, the most popular, handsome guy in our year, Charlie Evenson, started to date me. I couldn't believe my luck at first. He seemed like the perfect catch.

"And he was; in the beginning. He was patient and relaxed and kind and a million and one other things that I liked. I adored spending time with him, being part of his exclusive circle. Suddenly, I was Esme Masen – the envy of every girl in school, rather than Esme Masen – the nobody.

"He never pressured me. Not for sex, not for anything. That was another thing I really liked about him. Most of the guys I knew would brag about all the girls they'd had sex with, but not Charlie. He was private, and definitely not pushy. He was my first boyfriend, the first guy I'd ever kissed, and I was a virgin.

"I thought it would be him that I would lose my virginity to. I was certain it would be him, but I wanted to wait until the right moment. But at the homecoming game, there was an after party, just for the jocks and the cheerleaders, and anyone honoured enough to be a part of the inner sanctum. Charlie had a few beers too many, and his friends started being vulgar. He brushed them off, asked me if I wanted to go for a walk with him to get away from all the obscene comments. I said yes.

"We walked behind the bleachers, and sat down. He started kissing me, and that was nothing new, and then started doing other stuff, but that was nothing new either. It was when he tried to position me to have sex that I stopped him."

Here, Rose flinched, her face ashen, and I could tell she had anticipated what was coming next.

"He pushed me down, held me there. He hit me, a few times and then... he … raped me. Horribly."

Wordlessly, Rose reached for my hand, eyes shiny with tears.

"I was in hospital for a couple of weeks after that. I couldn't move, and I was terrified of seeing him again. I kept quiet when the police came knocking. To this day, I couldn't tell you why. A week after I was released from the hospital ward I found out I was pregnant.

"I told Edward, and he was very understanding. I was adamant about keeping it, and the two of us worked out a plan to raise the child. He was willing to do whatever to help care for his niece or nephew. I refused to go back to school, and my father stuck by that decision.

"Three weeks later my stepmother and father found out. They were horrified at first, but my father respected my decision to keep the baby. My stepmother was another story. She tried to make me go to the clinic, but I refused. So eventually, after many arguments, she convinced me to give my baby up for adoption to a good home.

"I met up with a couple from the adoption agency, and immediately adored them. Their names were Peter and Charlotte, and they'd gone through so many IVF treatments unsuccessfully. I agreed to give them my baby.

"I had a little boy, and I never even got to name him. He was just taken away from me, and even though I know he went to a good home, it's amazing how much you love your child. And I really did love him. I still do."

Rosalie was crying. She hastily wiped her forearm across her watery eyes, sniffing. "I'm so sorry, Esme, I had no idea."

I gave her a weak smile. "Of course you didn't. But Rose, seriously, I want you to think. Think about what you're giving up. All I want is my baby back. Don't make the same mistake."

Rose nodded, splashing me with her tears. Without saying a word, she reached out for a hug, and I let myself fall into her soft embrace, revelling in the idea that my story had made an impact.

"I need to think," she whispered in my ear, her voice thick with tears.

"That's all I ask," I murmured back, smiling into the soft cashmere of her sweater.

* * *

**Hey Guys!**

**Just a quick note to say a big thanks to all my reviewers! You guys are the best, and you really boost my writing! **

**There's been some speculation that Esme is now pregnant as well... All I'm gonna say is, maybe the most obvious direction is not necessarily where the story is headed. Make of that what you will.**

**Thanks again for reading :D**

**PJ x**


	12. AN

Just a note...

Just to update anyone who still (if there is anyone) wants to read this – I know, I know, I haven't updated in literally YEARS, but I'm gunna continue with this again.

And the next chapter will be up in a day or so.

PJ x


	13. Suspicious Minds

_**Esme**_

I hung up my jacket on the coat stand as I came through the front door. Carlisle's house was softly lit, but the hallway was empty. I knew it would be. He didn't finish work for another hour or so. I'd agreed to make dinner.

This past month had been blissful. My hospital work experience was nearly over, and after next week, Carlisle had suggested we start telling people about our relationship. I'd told him we should wait for another month or so, and he'd agreed. It wasn't for the reasons I'd suggested to him, however. I didn't care if my parents got mad. I did care that the hospital didn't punish Carlisle, but it wasn't even that that kept me quiet. It was the fact that, for the last two months, I had had something wonderful, something that was exclusively and privately _mine_. I wasn't quite ready to share him with the rest of the world yet.

Ever since that night, three weeks ago, when we had… well, life had been happier than I could ever have dreamed it. I floated on air most of the day, and I slept in Carlisle's arms every night I could manage it. There was only one downside to my joy, and that was that Rose still hadn't told me what she planned to do with the baby. Every time I asked, she said she needed a bit longer to think.

Soon, she'd be out of options. As much as I didn't want her to get rid of her child, I didn't want her to feel burdened by a responsibility she didn't want. It was a catch-22, and I hated that I had such a massive part in it. It shouldn't have been my decision, but it felt that way, at least in part.

Shaking the thoughts from my mind, I focused on what this evening would be. Just a quiet night in, me and Carlisle in our own private little bubble.

I kicked off my shoes and padded my way through to the kitchen. My nose in the fridge, my head a million miles away, I didn't even notice that someone else was in the room until they cleared their throat. Loudly.

Jumping, I whirled around. Sitting at the breakfast bar was a tall, beautiful blonde, every bit as lovely as Rose, but older. She looked amused by my reaction, a smile lingering on the corners of her full lips.

"Well, Carlisle never told me he had company," she drawled, her golden eyes raking me up and down in a way that made me want to cover myself up. I frowned.

"I could say the same thing," I responded, sounding more confident than I felt. The woman grinned at me, eyes sparkling. I didn't know when she'd arrived, nor how she'd let herself in. She certainly wasn't here when I'd stayed over last night. Or the night before that…

"I'm assuming you have no clue who I am," she guessed, and I nodded slowly. I was warier of her than I'd ever been of another woman. She was _gorgeous_. And she had a key to Carlisle's.

"Who are you?" I prompted, when she didn't offer an explanation.

"Tanya," she supplied. "Tanya Cullen."

_Cullen?_ "Oh. How do you know Carlisle?"

She chuckled enchantingly. "Not figured it out yet? Okay, you're squirming, so I'll let you off easy. I'm his big sister."

I was so relieved that I nearly passed out. His sister! Then another worry crept unbidden into my mind. Had he even told his family about us? Would they, could they, ever approve? I was still in high school, and the expression on Tanya's face told me that she damn well knew that.

"Who are you, again?" she asked, when I didn't respond to her little revelation.

"I'm… Esme Masen."

"And you're a friend of my brother's?"

"Yes," I murmured, fighting the blush that would give my lie away. "He didn't mention to me that his sister was visiting."

"Sisters," Tanya corrected. "But Kate doesn't arrive until tomorrow. She's stuck in Paris on some business meeting."

_Paris? Well, that sounds exotic. I've never even been abroad…_ "Oh."

"Kate wanted to introduce our little brother to her new fiancé, and I just missed him enough to fly all the way here from the Windy City to join in the family reunion." Here she paused, and glanced around the room theatrically. "He has sweet digs here. I get why he left Chicago now."

I nodded. "Forks is a nice town."

She eyed me curiously for a moment. "With plenty of nice girls, I'll bet."

I bit my lip, but didn't offer a comment. It wasn't up to me to tell Tanya what I was to Carlisle, though I'm sure she wasn't stupid. She'd already guessed.

Just then, the door slammed.

Our heads swivelled towards the noise, just as Carlisle called out.

"Honey? I got away early for a change, so don't worry about dinner, I thought we could order in! I'm starving! How was school?"

He swept through into the kitchen, completely oblivious to his sister, who had skulked over to the far corner, arms folded, just watching. I tried to warn him with my eyes, but distracted as he was, he didn't even notice. Instead, he stooped to give me a kiss.

"Tyler Crowley came in just before I left. He needed stitches – apparently he crashed his car into a tree. That's about the third time this year – I swear, it's a miracle that boy still has his driving license. What do you want for dinner?"

He froze beside the drawer that I knew contained his take-out menus, and fixed me with a concerned look.

"What's wrong, love?"

In answer, Tanya – very deliberately – cleared her throat.

He spun around to face her, and I watched as several expressions flitted across his face in less than a heartbeat. Joy. Suspicion. Comprehension. Panic. And finally, horror, as his eyes flickered between my worried expression and Tanya's knowing one.

"Oh," he muttered, at a loss for anything more robust to say.

"Oh, indeed, little brother. You have some serious explaining to do," Tanya replied, her narrowed eyes – identical to Carlisle's, I realised – now fixed on him.

"I'm going to go," I told Carlisle quietly, and his eyes flashed up to meet mine, panicked again.

"Don't," he pleaded, and my heart melted.

"I think it would be best for now, Esme," Tanya interjected coldly. I blanched at the expression on her face, but nodded. As I made to pass Carlisle, he caught me by the arm to halt my progress.

"I don't care what she says. I love you, and that won't change," he promised in a whisper so soft, it was meant for my ears alone.

"I love you," I murmured back, and stood on my toes to kiss him goodbye. He responded, angling his shoulders so that Tanya's view of our private moment was well and truly blocked.

Having said everything that needed to be said, I removed myself from the kitchen, leaving the siblings to regard each other in a stony silence that I had never experienced with my own brother.

It wasn't until I shut the front door that I heard the first sound of raised voices.

* * *

Rose was waiting for me in my bedroom when I got home, and Emmett was with her. I froze, surprised, one hand still on the door handle. They both looked at me expectantly, as if I were the solution to all of their problems. Sighing, I shut my bedroom door.

Emmett was the first to break the silence.

"We told our parents."

My eyebrows shot up into my hairline. Did that mean what I thought it meant? I glanced at Rosalie for an answer to my unspoken question. Almost imperceptibly, she nodded.

Relief, cold and incredibly welcome, rushed through me, so quickly that it almost made me giddy. Unable to help myself, I broke into a huge grin, which was hesitantly returned by the other two occupants of my room.

"You're keeping the baby." It felt so good to say it out loud.

"Yes," Rose whispered, and I saw her eyes sparkle with unshed tears. "Oh, Esme, you won't believe it! I had my scan today, my eighteen week scan. I saw him! He's so beautiful!"

"It's a boy?" I checked, smiling at her elated tone. This was everything I wanted her to feel, everything I had dreamed she would feel. One glance at Emmett told me he felt the same way.

"Henry," she gushed, nodding at me emphatically. "Henry Hale McCarty."

I watched my best friend, glowing with pride as she said her child's name. I felt my own eyes welling up. "I'm so happy for you."

And I meant it. Words couldn't describe how happy I was for them both. I could've been upset. Jealous, even. I would have been, had it not been for Carlisle. Then I remembered Tanya's ambush, and my grin faded a little.

"Are you okay?" Rose asked me, concern saturating her voice. I nodded, recovering myself hastily.

"Uh-huh. How did your parents take it?"

Rose made a face. "They were a bit disappointed, but I guess they're going to be supportive."

I nodded again. "When are you going to tell everyone else?"

"Tomorrow. Do…" Rose hesitated. "Do you want to see the scan picture?"

My face lit up like a Christmas tree. "Of course!"

We spent the next hour or so cooing over the picture and speculating about who he would look more like – Rose or Emmett. When they finally left my room, it was hand-in-hand and full of smiles. I sighed and leaned back against my pillow as the door closed behind me, finally feeling as though the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders.

Music blared out from the table beside me, and I raised one hand to lift my phone up. My smile widened. Carlisle.

"Hello?"

"Esme?"

I laughed, giddy with happiness at the sound of his voice. "Who else would it be?"

I heard his throaty chuckle in response. "Good point. How are you?"

"I'm happy. Rose is keeping the baby!"

"That's wonderful…" he paused, and I could feel some unspoken tension emanating from him, even through the phone.

"Are _you_ okay?" I asked, dreading the answer.

"I'm… I'll be fine. Esme, my sister is somewhat reluctant to accept our relationship. She's threatening to tell the chief of medicine at the hospital if I don't break up with you immediately."

My stomach lurched, and I was suddenly feeling nauseous. "She can't do that! You'll lose your job!"

"I know," he replied gravely.

"So what do we do?" I demanded, my head spinning. I didn't know how to process this. I couldn't let Carlisle lose his job, but I couldn't bear to be apart from him. I think I'd sooner die.

"I will fix this, Esme. I promise you that. I'm hoping Kate can talk some sense into her tomorrow."

"Okay," I responded, struggling to calm my breathing down. "Okay. But, Carlisle, what if…?"

"I will not lose you, Esme. Not ever. I'd sooner lose my job."

"But you love being a doctor."

"Not as much as I love you. I wish you could have stayed tonight."

"I wish I could have taken you out of that house with me."

"Goodnight, Esme. I'll call you in the morning."

"I love you," I told him, as if he didn't know that.

"I love you, too," he replied, his words ringing with an understated fervour.

I hung up the phone and sighed, staring at the handset as though I expected an apology for Tanya's behaviour.

"Okay…" I glanced up, alarmed, to find Edward in my doorway, arms crossed so tightly over his chest that it looked as though it might hurt to unfold them. _What had he heard?_ "What the hell was that? Because it sounded as though you are dating Dr. Cullen. "

I looked up into my brother's furious expression with a heavy heart.

I really didn't need this right now.


	14. The World's Best Shared Secret

_** Esme**_

"Edward," I mumbled, trying to catch him on his way out of the front door. For the second morning in a row, he acted as though he hadn't heard me, and simply breezed past. Angry, and feeling the sting of injustice, I followed him.

"Edward!" He looked round this time, as I raced across the drive to his side. His eyes, burning a furiously bright emerald, narrowed in my direction. I balked slightly, but kept going. I wasn't used to Edward's wrath. I'd never really been on the receiving end before.

"Esme, I don't want to talk!" he huffed, turning back towards his car. I reached him, chest heaving with the effort, and threw my hand out against the car door, blocking his entry.

"Edward, please. Look at me."

He complied, but there was nothing but anger in his gaze as it met mine.

"How could you be so stupid?" he growled, and my eyes widened.

"What do you mean?"

"What do I _mean_?" He threw his hands in the air in exasperation. "I mean, how could you possibly think that dating a doctor is a good idea. You're _seventeen_, Esme!"

"Yes," I agreed. "But…"

"But?" he prompted angrily.

"I'm over the age of consent," I pointed out. Edward looked at me as though I'd just slapped him.

"Ugh!" he expostulated, now fighting with me to try and get the car door open. I squished myself into the gap, holding my hands up in surrender.

"Okay, so that was totally the wrong thing to say!"

He raised his eyebrows. "Ya think?"

"Point is, I'm with him and there's no law against it!"

"The hospital has rules against it, I'll bet."

I bit my lip, unwilling to tell a bare-faced lie to my twin brother. "Well, yes, but…"

"And they're there for a reason! My God, Esme, I would've thought that after being taken advantage of the way you were in Chicago that you would've been able to see what's really going on here!"

This time, it was my turn to glare. I folded my arms across my chest. "And what exactly would that be?"

"He's using you! And what's wrong with him, why can't he get a woman his own age?"

I scoffed. "Do you have any idea what you sound like?"

"Do you?" he shot back. We fell silent, both fuming quietly.

"Look," I tried again. "You don't have to like it, but I love Carlisle, and he loves me, and what we have is real. And there is no point spouting the whole naivety speech, because, like you said, after Chicago I am well and truly disillusioned. So you have a choice. Be happy for me, or butt the hell out."

We faced off for a moment or two, then abruptly, we were hugging. I grinned into Edward's shoulder, feeling the sweet sense of relief wash over me.

"I'll be supportive," he murmured. "Once I get to meet him and see for myself."

I laughed, giddy with joy. This was so much better than I ever dreamed of getting from Edward. He let me go in order to step back and give me a semi-disapproving grin.

"Get in the car before I decide you're an idiot again," he mumbled, and I laughed as I clambered into the passenger seat.

* * *

As soon as I walked into the quad, every eye turned in my direction. For a moment, it felt as though my heart might fail, but then I realised that nobody was actually staring at _me_. No, they were all gawking at Rose beside me. News had spread like wildfire – the only way it could in a small town – and now the entire school knew that Rosalie was pregnant. I felt terrible for her, watching the sideways glances and the hushed gossiping that was spreading out from her like a ripple in a pond.

"Ignore them, Rosie," I advised, linking my arm through hers and leading her towards our usual bench.

"How can I?" she muttered, shaking her gorgeous blonde hair over her face. She was a mere shadow of the proud, abrasive girl she had been a few days previously. "They won't stop looking."

She kept her eyes on her food as we started to eat lunch, picking tiny crumbs off her sandwich in a pitiful attempt at nourishing herself. I opened my mouth to tell her to eat properly, but shut it again. Rosalie didn't need me to hound her as well.

There was a loud, slamming sound to my left, and I glanced up to see Bella standing over her lunch tray, which she had just whacked so hard onto the picnic table that there was a crack down the middle of the red plastic. Her gaze was narrowed in the direction of Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory, who were very unsubtly staring at Rose.

"Don't you two have your own pathetic lives to talk about?" she snapped, and both girls jumped. I turned to face my usually shy friend, impressed. Her cheeks were flaming, but she didn't waver. "Go jump off a bridge, nosy bitches."

She continued to watch them until they got up and left, somewhat shamefacedly.

"Wow," I told her as soon as she sat down. "That was… wow."

"Yeah, well…" she shrugged. Rose turned her head towards Bella, and I could see nothing but gratitude shining in her violet eyes.

"Thank you," she whispered, and Bella nodded.

It wasn't exactly friendship, but it was a good start.

We chatted quietly amongst ourselves until the boys joined us. Jasper came first, bearing the news that Alice was ill with the chickenpox. Apparently it was going around her little sister Cynthia's class, and neither of them had had it before. He'd already been over to her house to bring her ice-cream. I smiled a little at the thought.

Emmett and Edward arrived together, Emmett stooping to kiss Rosalie before settling at her side, Edward seating himself opposite Bella. Instead of making moon eyes at her, as was his usual lunch-time routine, he alternated between curious glances at me and worried ones at Rosalie. Lunch was a quiet affair.

* * *

I couldn't wait to leave school. Rose came back to our house with Emmett – he and Edward holed themselves up in the study playing computer games. I led Rose upstairs to my room, and the second the door was closed I turned to face my best friend.

"How're you holding up?"

"Terrible. I hate being judged."

She hung her head, hugging her knees to her chest from where she sat curled up on my comforter. I reached over to pat her back sympathetically.

"Anything new on baby Henry?" I wondered. Her eyes brightened slightly.

"Yeah, there is something, actually. Emmett and I were talking about godparents the other day."

I felt suddenly apprehensive. "Oh?"

Rose hesitated. I could tell this was the moment I'd been half-wishing, half-dreading. "I want you to be Henry's godmother."

I smiled widely, feeling a pang in my heart that was tinged with sadness. "Of course."

She grinned, apparently relieved that I'd agreed. "And Edward's going to be the godfather, naturally."

"Isn't Carmen all offended that she got elbowed out?" I asked. Carmen, Emmett's sister, wasn't going to be thrilled when she found out that she wasn't the godmother.

"No. Besides, she's a blood relative, so I think she's tied in enough."

I laughed. "Well, I suppose you…"

The end of my sentence was drowned out by the loud buzz of our doorbell. I slid off the bed and pulled open my door.

"Edward! Can you get that?"

There was no break in the sounds of electronic carnage from the room at the end of the hall. I sighed, and turned apologetically back to Rose. "I'll be back in a minute."

I took the stairs two at a time, arriving at the door and wrenching it open before I'd even bothered to check who was there.

I didn't recognise her at first. She was tall, blonde, and just as heartbreakingly beautiful as the girl I had left upstairs. Her hair flowed like silk to her waist, and her keen, golden eyes were fixed on me in obvious interest. I blinked, confused for a moment, before it sunk in. This must be Carlisle's other sister, Kate.

"Hi," I said nervously, my mouth suddenly very dry.

"So… when I heard that Carlisle was shopping in the junior section, I just had to get a look for myself. You aren't at all what I expected." Her eyes were glittering with good humour. It was a stark contrast to Tanya's disdain.

"What did you expect?" I wondered.

She shrugged. "I don't know. Blonde, brainless. A gratuitous cheerleader type. But _you_ are a surprise. I mean, don't get me wrong, you're hands down the prettiest teenager I've seen yet in this town, but I don't know, you look all… smart and sensible."

I frowned. I wasn't really following her line of thought. "Is that bad?"

"No," she replied slowly. "It just means that Carlisle must actually be serious about you."

I blushed.

"Are mommy and daddy home, or can I come in?" she asked, winking cheerily at me. I smiled and stepped back to allow her entry, catching a strong whiff of strawberries as she passed me.

"Do you want anything to drink?" I offered.

"Yeah, I'd kill for a vodka!"

"Um… we don't have vodka."

She whirled around, shocked beyond belief. It was as though she couldn't imagine a world where every house didn't stock vodka. She shook her head and muttered something about small towns before considering something else.

"Do you have anything alcoholic?"

"We have beer."

She grinned. "Ah, that'll do."

Kate followed me into the kitchen as I went to go and get her a beer out of the fridge. Instead of sitting at a stool at the breakfast bar, she hopped up onto the peninsula, gently tugging the beer from my hand. I turned around to get her a bottle opener, but was stopped by a hissing sound. I turned back to see her with the bottle cap between her teeth.

"So, Esme," she said, aiming the bottle cap at the trash and flicking it. It fell in the can with a clang. "I'm really here to apologise for Tanya. She has serious big-sister-syndrome. Always interfering. If Carlisle wants to date jailbait, I say, why not? Let them be. But Tanya has to be all serious about things. She's such a stickler for the rules."

I smiled at Kate's honest monologue, but still felt the need to correct her. "I'm not jailbait. I'm seventeen."

"Oh," she replied, nodding speculatively. "Then I wonder what's got her panties in such a bunch?" She didn't even give me the chance to hypothesise before continuing, "I know! It'll be about her reputation! That girl has always been so self-centred. She's probably worried that it will look bad to the partners at her firm or whatever."

Kate punctuated each of her sentences with a dramatic eye roll.

"She's worried that Carlisle will make her look bad?" I frowned.

"Probably."

"Aren't you?" I levelled at her.

Kate scoffed. "Please! I'm the black sheep of the family! I'm a married, twenty-four year old, high-school dropout. I design jewellery for a living. No way is Carlisle going to be worse than me, no matter who he dates."

"You're married?" I yelped, surprised. Kate cocked an eyebrow at me amusedly.

"I know, I'm hardly the type, am I? Nah, my husband and I got married when we were eighteen. It was one of those crazy impulsive things. I don't regret it."

"What does your husband do?"

"He's a medical resident. Yet another thing for our mother, the surgeon, to find fault with. She thinks it's weird how a man with ambition could end up with a bum like me." Kate snorted disgustedly. "I left Garrett back in Chicago to come and sort out this mess."

I shrugged apologetically.

"Esme?" Rose appeared in the doorway, and seemed a little taken aback by Kate's too-comfortable presence in my kitchen. "Who's this?"

"Uh…" I hesitated, then decided that the truth was my best bet. "Rosalie Hale, this is Kate Cullen."

_Cullen?_ Rose mouthed at me suspiciously, and I could see she'd made the connection in her head. I noticed that she seemed to be joining some other dots as well. Smart girl.

Kate hopped nimbly off the counter and stepped forward to shake Rose's hand. "Actually, it's Reynolds."

I froze, swivelling towards her with shock all over my face. "I'm sorry?"

"My surname," Kate supplied. "It's Reynolds. I'm married, remember?"

"To Garrett Reynolds," I whispered. She nodded, then paused when she saw the comprehension in my eyes.

"Do you know my husband?"

I couldn't answer, as shocked as I was. Know her husband? I'd spent the better part of eight months in his company. That damned rehab centre… he had mentioned his wife before, I just never envisioned…

"Yeah," I murmured. "Yeah, I know him."

Kate gasped, a penny seeming to drop in her head. "Oh my God, you're that girl! You're the pregnant girl who gave her baby up for adoption! I can't believe it, Garrett told me so much about you! And you're dating my brother?"

"What?"

I closed my eyes, feeling dread swell in my heart. There were two voices in that chorus of angry surprise. I didn't know when the boys had joined us. I looked over my shoulder, to find Rosalie and Emmett both watching me with expressions of horror. Rose didn't know about Carlisle. Emmett didn't know about my pregnancy.

I bowed my head, and waited for all hell to break loose.


End file.
